the expunged refuse of my evil mind
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2002-02-06 05:59:13 (UTC)

kill me now

im so tired of everything. i cant take it. im living in a
perpetual dream state. its an endless loop. infinite
boredom. infinate suffering. i wake up day after day, try
to do my best, which is never enough for anyone, and
where does that get me? it gets me the chance to do it
all over again the next day. a year and a half isnt long,
but its too long to look forward to. i cant take this much
longer. its nothing, but its too much for me to handle. i
want to just fall apart. i want someone to tell me that i
can break down withought consequences. i want to
detach myself from my life and spend a week with
someone, mending my mind, saving my soul. i have
nothing left to squeeze out of this life anymore. i cant
even look at the screen to type. i have no motivation, but
yet i do it anyway. i have absolutley no insentive, nothing
to work for. nothing at all. yet i give people my time, my
life. no one ever is greatfull for anything i do.
sometimes i just wish someone would say thank you,
or im proud. the last time my mom or dad showed me
affection was when i was 5. i need more fuel. i need
something to make me go on. ive been alive for 5943
days. 5943 fucking days of misery.
will some one help me. will someone give me my fuel.