Christine

Visions Of Life
Ad 2:
2002-02-06 02:58:53 (UTC)

Comfort In Depression

2-5-02
7:40pm

"I miss the comfort in being sad"
-Nirvana

Thats how I feel when I am happy. Being depressed sucks but
at least I know it cant get any worse.. When I am happy, I
always wonder how long it will last..

I cant say Im "comfortable" right now.. If I was more
depressed I would feel more comfortable.. I am comfortable
being suicidal. Comfortable knowing that I can make it stop
with just a few steps.. I am at a weird point in my
depression. I cant get to that death mindset no matter how
hard I try.. I know thats probally good but it makes this
pain worse. I dont know how to make it go away. I just want
to be held and loved... Thats all I want.. Not even sex... I
just want to hear his voice.. I want to know what I am doing
wrong.. And how to fix it.. I cant stand the silence.. Yell
at me.. Curse me.. Just say something...

I tried writing last night.. didnt work.. didnt help.. cant
even write an anti poem... I have nothing left to give... I
am a husk... I can barely think.. everywhere I turn it is
dark.. every emotion i feel is pain.. even my thoughts of
love are tainted with pain.. why cant I be normal? It was
foolish of me to think I could handle a relationship. No
amount of love can change the fact that I have issues... Im
such a burden..Fuck..


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