Jena's Rants
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2002-02-05 17:53:16 (UTC)

I'm so mad steam is coming out of my ears!!!!!!

Can I just indulge myself in a bit of overemotional female
thinking for a moment please?! Thank you. First of all,
what the fuck kind of response is "Ten months, feels like
20 years!"? Now I will admit that I am in a bit of a
altered state as far as emotions are concerned, but that is
just the wrong fucking thing to say. On top of all of
that, I want to go to a goddamned dinner party with an
escort and hobnob a bit with old acquainances, but
things to do, can't Jena just go alone and look like a
dateless idiot, especially in my condition. Should I just
make the fucking scarlett letter now???!!!! Availability
SUCKS!!!!!!! I need more attention. I may have to start
begging. That is really pathetic, I know. I just really
want to start doing some normal things. I want to have a
nice calm life now, with a close knit circle of friends. I
want to discuss theosophical view points with educated
people, not pot-heads! I know what you are all thinking,
I've really lost my edge this time. Fuck no, so untrue!
I've just sharpened the blade. I don't need anyone's
approval now. If there is one thing that I've learned from
my unfortunated early years is that no one is perfect, NO
ONE!!! Let people judge me, they only do it because it's
easier than looking at themselves. Responsiblity and
Accountability are now my mantras, but I refuse to be
crucified for past mistakes. It's get over it and gone on
with it time. Anyone who cannot assimilate to that view
point best just stay away from me, because I just won't
accept that anymore. In addition, I know that I must
accomplish a lot now, but does that mean that I cannot be
excited about my future. I mean I'm sorry if things don't
always go as intended, but that is not going to kill my
positivity. I refuse to treat current issues as if they
are the killjoys of life. Hell, life is an amazing
lesson. Bittersweet, but I would not do without it. I am
confident about my situation right now. I would rather
stand alone in my confidence, albeit a bit harder, than to
stand and drag a doubter. That is just plain old
ridiculous! Okay, I feel better now. Thank you very much.