Rebecca Fenderson

Diary
2002-02-05 07:37:12 (UTC)

This Stupid Insanity

There's like this point, when I realize, I'm not sane.
There's this moment, that once in a while hits me, where I'm
shaking, and trying to breathe normally, when I think to
myself, this isn't regular. When I question my brain and
it's activities. It'll go away, and I'll think I'm all great
again, but seriously, there's always this time of complete
inner turmoil that I just do not understand.
Been diffusing lavender in my bedroom and took an essential
oil bath of release and french lavender. Been listening to
ambient beats and drinking a tall glass of water. Still, my
insides literally shake and I can't help this feeling of
fear. This happens regularly, followed by either a blank of
nothing or a horrific event in my life. Praying for nothing.
Second topic: Dreams of mine often come true, not in a good
way, not in a fairy tale way, but in a creepy deja vu, life
is just a BS memory type of way.
I'm getting upset, anxious, and disturbed.
God hel




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