Christine

Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad..

Not really the topic of the things I am about to discuss
but i like that song. Know the band? *grin*

Okay.. First things first. I submitted my resume' to a
Denver hospital. I am not sure that I will get a job there
because I dont have the exact number of years experience
they want but no harm in trying..

I was making my mom laugh tonight. She is so happy right
now with her new job. It makes me happy that she is happy.

Can a person have a uterus transplant? I mean, what if I
wanted to donate my uterus? Could I give it to some woman
who has a disfunctional uterus? *laughs* I kept asking my
mom about egg donation. She thinks Im nuts. I mean, hell,
once Im 21 I am going to start donating my eggs. I dont
need them for anything. Might as well help another couple
have a baby and plus, I get money for shoving my body full
of hormones and needles.. Hmmm.. adding extra hormones into
my body.. Could this be good? Ah well, who cares.

This knot in my stomach remains. As one aspect of my stress
diminishes, another increases. I just cant win no matter
what the hell I do. Rah!!

As much as I say that I dont need anyone, it is just a lie.
Okay. I will say it. I Need Him. That bothers me so much.
Ivve never needed anyone and all of a sudden I need
someone. What the hell is wrong with me? I hate being so
needy, dependant, weak and clingy. It bothers me and I just
cant help it. The curse of my zodiac. Needyness. Rah! I
mean, what happens when he leaves and I need him and he is
gone?(I am not saying he is going to leave me but hell, if
I cant get over this dependancy bullshit, i wouldnt blame
him for leaving) Anyways, I think thats why I mentioned
isolation. I need to stop needing him. I can survive on my
own. I dont need anyone. Again, I am lying to myself. Well,
I can survive on my own.. Just not very well.. emotionally
that is. Fuck. What am I going to do?