out of reach
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2002-02-05 02:15:54 (UTC)

and in this moment i am happy

i just got home from yearbook. and i'm in a surprisingly
good mood. today was a good day at yearbook though. i
doubt we got much done but it felt like we were working.
42 pages are due by friday. and we have like 14. oof.

i'm home alone right now, in my most comfortable chair in
my living room, watching sparticus. i'm not paying too
much attention and i'm not so sure why its on. it looks
interesting though. i'll continue to watch it.

i ran into this website last nite. it wasn't that great
but whoever created it was an amazing writer. there was a
poem on it by longfellow. i probably should have saved it
but i didn't. anyway, it was about loneliness and it gave
me hope. all the suffering i'm going through now is only
going to make love that much sweeter. yes i wish i had
love now but if i think positively then i know that when i
do fall in love its going to be amazing. besides, i still
don't believe that anyone under the age of 20 can truly
experience a state of consummate love. it takes 20 years
just for your brain to fully develop. all "love" before
that age is simply an irrational deep emotional bond. not
saying it doesn't hurt or feel wonderful at times. but its
like a candle burning at both ends. its hot, bright and
wonderful but dies out quickly leaving only ashes.

side note: i was driving home from work yesterday and it
was just about sunset yet still very bright out. i was
staring off into the sky (probably not a good thing to do
while going 80 mph but the beautiful pastels just sucked me
in) and i saw what i'm convinced to be a star. it lingered
in the sky so it surely wasn't an airplane and there was no
tower beneath it so it wasn't that either. but in near
daylight i saw the first star of the night sky. its hard
to describe how such a small morsel of light seen from
earth could fill me with such warmth. but in that moment i
was happy.

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