Loo's Daily Affirmations
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2002-02-04 23:44:58 (UTC)

I want my turn. When is it my turn?

THis is almost immediate and apparently the last entry was
not quite enough. I wish things were different. I wish I
were different. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

I wish I really didn't need anyone. Physically, mentally or
emotionally. BUt I do. I want my fucking turn. I usually
try not to think about this, but sometimes it hits. I am
not as obsessed as some of my friends but dammit. I want a
boyfriend. One that I can marry. I want to be in love. I
want to make love. I want someone to hold my hand. I want
someone to buy a puppy with. And housetrain it. I want a
date. Let's start simple, I want to meet someone I am
interested in. Not someone who is/acts 21. Someone real. Or
at least real to me. Where the hell are they? Where am I
supposed to meet them? Maybe I should start hanging out in
bars again.

What do I do wrong? What am I not doing? I am not searching
for a perfect person. Just a person. God knows I can't
specify... I have my own issues. For the most part though,
I am a normal, nice, clean, attractive woman. I have a good
family, don't think any of my habits are totally out
there.... What is wrong with me? That I cannot even meet
anyone. I get so frustrated by friends who are divorced &
comment how hard it is to get back into the dating scene.
BACK? Hell, I have to get there in the first place.

I am thinking I sound petty/whiny/foolish... and that's
what I try not to sound like. I may not succeed. Maybe I'm
the whiniest person ever and I am the only one who doesn't
know it.

I don't know what else to say. I act like I don't need
anyone because that is easier than admitting that I am
lonely in the worst way. If I don't admit it, I just go on
and am fine... but not really.