Christy

Feelings

How do I put something so wonderful into a few simple
words? I can稚. It is not possible to simplify my feelings
or even begin to describe them. She left this morning for
school and if I wasn稚 so tired I would have cried. I
wanted to cry and keep time a little longer so I could hold
her. Last night she didn稚 really sleep and I felt so bad.
I just wanted to hug her all night long and I wanted her to
sleep in my arms. I love when she sleeps in my arms because
I know when you are a sleep you are vulnerable and when she
sleeps in my arms I know that I can protect her. I miss her
so much and she only left 4 hours ago. I want to take her
away. I want to go and live somewhere with her. Somewhere
where my grams is not going to yell at me and her for her
being over, somewhere where she can lay in bed with me if
she wants and if school it to hard for her we will find her
help. I want to find her that somewhere. I made a promise
to her last night. I promised her that I would help her
because she said that her little girl hurts. I don稚 want
her little girl to hurt and I promised that I would help
her. I don稚 know how to though. I usually don稚 know what
to do with myself but helping her means so much to me that
I have to help her. I don稚 know where to start though. I
mean I can稚 tell her to go and talk to someone because I
don稚 like talking to people so I can稚 tell her to do
something and me not. Maybe if I help her I will be able to
help myself in the process because that way I have to do
things if I expect her to. I don稚 know. I have a lot of
things on my mind right now and I am so close to tears. I
feel like I have lost everything, but at the same time I
know I have so much.

Suicide is not wrong - yes
Suicide will help me - yes
Suicide will take me away from her - I could never do it

To leave her would be worse then a thousand deaths over and
over again. I don稚 know what to say. I love her. The feel
of her, the touch of her, the smell, sight, sound and
everything about her. Last night was absolutely incredible.
I had the BEST orgasm EVER and after that every time I
touched her or she touched my skin (anywhere) it was like a
thousand bolts of lightning flashing through my body making
me feel...???? My poor bed, if it doesn稚 get a mattress
soon it is going to be in two parts or flying across the
room because between the two of us, well anyway. Just
talking about last night and thinking about it I have to
cross my legs because my body is wanting her touch so bad.
I have to go down town today. I have so many things to do
when the only thing I really want to do is kidnap her from
school and take her somewhere and just love her. Love her
always