2002-02-04 20:27:42 (UTC)

praise but not too terribly much

i've slacked in every area.. including memory. soccer
season has started again. joy.

i often abuse the privilege and forget to write. i wish i
could be a disciplined as neeley and spill my guts daily,
but it just doesn't come natural to me.

until yesterday, i hadn't spoken to baskin in a week. it
didn't bother me, but i could feel myself slipping. how
easily distracted i am.. here again i am doing something
insignificant rather than attending to a million other
items of greater importance. no, i'd rather eat banana
fudge ice cream than go to college.. i don't even like
bananas or ice cream to terribly much.

either i'm scorned to a life of laze or i'm just pregnant.

everything i could have ever asked for (and a few things i
didn't) have been handed over to me.. in no order:
1) aubrey has turned away from his rut of high daily drunk
nightly. now i truly appreciate him as a mature person.
2) lauren, my long lost best friend, sought me out when i
should have gone to her, but nonetheless we are together
again. it will take some severe pride swallowing, but the
friendship will redeem itself.
3) amanda has given up her orgies, her dangerous escapades
for the one time drug, the lasting relationship that i
4) we've begun girls bible study, and while the focus is
rather flimsy right now, i'm ready to be challenged by the
depth of theology.
5) so much guidance has come almost incidentally regarding
college and the future.. i often take it for granted the
decisions i don't have to make.
6) and most importantly, i see the purpose of my graduating
early.. it wasn't to get out and away from an overbearing
family, to escape mississippi, or to get a head start.
this entire experience is a goal i set for myself and
sought despite all opposing circumstances or opportunities
to turn back. i went after this because i thought it was
who i was.. to test myself and come out stronger. in
reality it was all a trial. i have most certainly failed
and that is fine. i was given my desired end because the
consequences of it would be a lesson.

ahh lessons learned

back to the ice cream

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