It's my life
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2001-04-24 11:23:58 (UTC)

Monday 4:13am

Today was pretty much uninteresting to say the least. I've
been really trying to work out so I've been going at night
before work and sometimes after work in the morning. I hate
it when I can't see any results. I know I've lost 5 or so
pounds but where?
Chuy said he was going to call me yesterday but he didn't.
I'm going to stop calling him. I think this time it's
getting easier after that crap he pulled this past weekend
with his little trip to Tucson. I still think he went out
there to see that chick he told me was just a fuckin friend.
Yeah right. I'm just going to get my car fixed by him and
that's it. I've had enough of this shitty feeling always
walking by my side. He doesn't know or appreciate the real
person I am and want to be with him. He definately doesn't
deserve me. I want someone who sees me inside and knows
exactly what they have with me. I really think I loved Chuy
though. The thought of it makes me uneasy because I never
thought I would dare to fall for anyone. It wasn't too hard
now that I think about it. He made it easy in the beginning
but turned very ugly after that. I must admit that I still
love him and would take him back if he wanted it but I know
that would never happen. I know him too well. I would just
be setting myself up for another heartbreak. This one was
enough for now. I have to get myself to move on and turn the
other cheak. I want to do things for myself this time. I
want to take care of me and stop thinking of everybody else
for a change. Maybe the heartbreak will make me realize just
what I should be waiting for. A real relationship with
someone real. I dont' feel very good today anyways. I need
to get some sleep so I won't be working out this morning.

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