like-a-frightened-rabbit

Like A Frightened Rabbit
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2002-02-04 10:09:43 (UTC)

monday

hey, i'm back at college, found out my computer duznt like
n e type of diary so i am only gonna be able to rite in
here wen i'm @ college...or at least until i get my
internet sorted.
the weekend was shit. friday night was ok...slept the whole
night. but saturday night, me n jen went to luci's...band
practise went shit...i'm too crap at the guitar yet, i
reckon we shud wait till we're all a bit better,
ermmm....didn't get drunk in the end...save sum alcohol for
this friday...everyone is coming over to lucis...it shud be
cool. yeh jen was in an arse bout summit in the morning,
found out that she was doing a chris on us....saying we
were ignoring her etc etc...wot a load of
shit....jesus...duz she hav to hav all th attention...all
the time? n e way.

feeling a bit shit about things. tomorrow it wil be 3 yrs
since mickey died...it's strange...it still feels like i
only lost him a week ago. havnn't herd from phil for a
while...i bet he rings me tomorro though...i hope he gets
thru tomorrow ok...he always managed quite well. we had
started to accept it by last yr, but he was beating me up
and dragging me down, that was probably the reason i
OD'd...not coz of mik....coz lets face it, mickey has gone
and there is nothing i can do to bring him back...ofcourse
i miss him, and i am still a bit fucked up about seeing him
gettin his throat cut, but he's probably better off in
heaven than he wud be down here, addicted to smak, living
in a shitty flat in scarboro...i know phil will be ok
tomorro...he has managed to let mik go too. i just hope he
duznt come to hovingham....he won't, he told me that he
hates getting angry with me and he hates to see me upset
he just cant control his temper....he won't wanna get in a
fite wiv me tomorro of all days...i've got a feeling he'll
just ring.

ian is being really supportive...he's such a nice guy.
he told me last night he never wants to let me go...thats a
little final! forever is a hell of a long time. he feels
that now but one day he won't wanna stik wiv me
forever...but for now its good, and we're having fun so
it'll stay that way.

my mum and dad r off to france on the 1st of march n i hav
to stay home and look after the dog...boring!! but ian is
gonna come and stay wiv me on the friday nite and luci and
clair r gonna on the staurday...so at least i won't be all
alone! ian wants me to go to a flint gig on the 5th of
march...thats a tuesay....hhhmmmm...i don't wanna go but i
feel bad coz ian wants me to. i dunno wot to do....oh well
ive got a month to think about it.

i'm so knackered...nightmares r back. just flashbacks
again....its amazing how many times mickey can die in my
memory....i think this has got to stop now....let him die
vicki, let him go...he don't want u running this over all
the time...he's moved on, u shud too, i'm not saying forget
him, just let him rest.

ok. i will.

"i love you mickey, meet u again one day!"

vic xx


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