A Closed Mind is An Open Book
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2002-02-03 18:59:27 (UTC)

missin my baby

I don't feel well. Mom made a big lunch/early dinner type
thing and I could hardly eat a bite. I feel like I'm
getting the cold shoulder again. Ya know... last week I was
told I treat mom like a slave. If that's true why do I feel
like the one running around in circles for everyone only to
get yelled at or something? I miss Robbie. I wish neither
of us had to work today. But it doesn't matter because "its
a school night" so I wouldnt get to see him. MY parents
were very rude to him yesterday. He on his own decided to
apologise to my parents for calling my mom a bitch out of
anger which I don't blame him... I felt the same way.
Anyway he apologised because he honestly didn't mean it
personally. So he came over to pick me up and it was cold
so I told him to come in the door and wait... he wasn't
even gonna come in at all because dad had said he wasn't
allowed in the house but I wasn't gonna let him freeze when
he's already sick. So dad just acknowleged him with a
little head-nod and mom never said a word when she's always
said some sort of greeting to him even when she's angry. I
am so disappointed in their actions. It was very rude.
Anyway... Shannon is mad at me. I don't care. Her friend
that was probably only calling because she wants something
called this morning. I told her shannon was asleep and I'd
tell her she called. And I did. Then Shannon has to go and
be a bratt saying "why couldnt you just tell her my work
schedule???!!!". I told her it wasn't my place. She's not
my friend and if she wants any messages to get to her she
can do it her own self. I'm tired of people thinking just
because I'm trying to fix things around here they can walk
all over me and not expect me to bite back. I hate it. I'm
tired of being nice to everyone just to get some sort of
nice attitude back. It isn't working and I'm tired of being
treated like a black sheep. It's killing me feeling like a
pariah in my own home. Mom Dad and SHannon have fixed
things between them but no matter what I do... it isn't
fixing anything. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the way
everyone is acting around me or treating me... it's like
I'm not a person... like I'm not even here. I'm listening
to the cd robbie bought me yesterday crying because I miss
him and I hate the way everyone is treating me. I just want
to curl up in bed and never get up. I think I'll go do just
that until I have to get my butt up for work. Which I dont
really want to go to work. But ya know it wasn't my idea.
My family refuses to support me anymore so I'm stuck doing
it on my own. I know Robbie wants me to come to him for
anything but I'd feel like I'm giving the impression that I
expect him to when I feel just the opposite. Any, I'm gonna
go back to bed. Maybe Robbie will call soon to let me know
he's at work so I know he got there ok.