The Shadow of Myself
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2002-02-03 06:34:04 (UTC)

write this down..

The coolest weekend on record. ;) So to most people's
standards my weekend would be considered very boring.
However, I would have to say that this weekend had a lot of
life changing lessons in store for me.

So let me just start at the beginning of the story. I went
to the Song of Solomon Coference at Cedarville College. I
was interested when I heard about it. I just didn't have
any idea how much I would realize after going. In the back
of my mind.. on the way there.. I was thinking that me
going wasn't just by chance. I knew God had this whole
cool idea to tell me. I wasn't really that excited
though.. b/c I didn't know. Well.. the whole thing was
about relationships, how God wants them to be, how society
pressure you a lot of times to go against that, desires
that you encounter, how to deal with conflicts, how to keep
the romance, and what is truly attractive to the opposite
sex. Learning all of those things were really important to
me. I was at a stage where I was trying to figure out my
own boundries on things and what I wanted to do. Well..
God told me through this.. that I don't know what to do b/c
I'm trying to figure it out. I need to trust him that he
knows what he's doing for me. I'm also not ready for the
kind of relationship that I thought I wanted. Sure it
would be great but in order for me to give what I need to
give and be what I need to be.. God still has some work to
do in me. That's what he told me. I have been spending a
whole lot of time telling myself and everyone that I was
ready to have a serious relationship with a guy and I've
been trying to find him. Basically.. I'm not ready at
all. I need to have a stronger mind, heart, and soul. Not
to say that I'm in horrible shape.. b/c I'm not. I just
could be a lot better. I shouldn't be discouraged though
b/c I know where I started. God already brought me really
far along. Now he just wants to do some more.. and I'm
flattered. :)

Ok.. everyone write this down b/c I don't think I've ever
said this in my entire life before today. I don't want to
have a serious relationship with a guy right now. I'm not
looking for anything at all. Whatever I find, God will
work with and I'll follow along. Right now I'm going to
concentrate all the energy I can into becoming as Godly as
I can be. Seriously.. this could take a long time.. or
maybe it won't?? I don't know. I'm not worried though.
It's amazing how completely content I am with just being
alone. I feel like I've been to busy trying to find
someone that I kept losing sight of where God was. That's
not cool.

Anyway.. I'm just really happy. I'm so glad that I went
and that I got a glimpse of understanding on how much God
can give me when the time is right. So maybe the time will
never be right.. but I have complete faith that God will be
able to satisfy whatever I need no matter what. That's all
I'll ever need.