AnGeLbAbiE

Cooties, HappyMeals, & One Size Fits All
2002-02-03 04:50:57 (UTC)

Self-Esteem & Superficial Love, and Other Random Ponderings...

Ahhh...It's Been Awhile since I've written...well not
really but newayz...I'm trying to think of something to
talk about...hmm...I guess I'll just write about the last
few days of my terribly *exciting* life and maybe I'll get
hit with an inspiration...and maybe people will read this
and actually care and write me and say wow ashley you
really inspired me with that last Online Diary Entry of
yours...but I'll stop with the wishful thinking now
heh...Ü...hrm...where should I begin?...let us start with
eh...Thursday I suppose...o wait thats right nothing
happened on Thursday..let's go
with...FRIDAY....ok...Friday....wut happened....the 6am-
10am spot was pretty quiet...nothing much occured...10am-
1pm...ah yes...I remember one thing...I couldn't stop
coughing in Spanish because I think I might have
bronchitis...probably I should go to the doctor...newayz so
I started coughing and Holly gave me a bottle of water. I
swigged on that for the remainder of class. That was
basically the highlight of 10am-1pm...from 1pm-330pm I went
to Health class which was quite interesting...we discussed
Self-Esteem...I realized that Heather has the lowest self
esteem in the world! That is why she is so negative & jokes
on everyone so much! (It you want to know more about
Heather read my last entry! C'mon now you know you want
to!) I think my self-esteem is decent...I'm trying to watch
myself on caring what other people think...because it
doesn't matter. Ü. That is all there is to it. I may
write more on Self-Esteem some other time but I don't feel
like being serious right now...I took some Cough Medicine
for my cough (crazy huh?) and I think its made me a wee bit
goofy! Is it noticable? Ü?! Newayz...330pm-6pm I got ready
to go to Holly's house...6pm-1130pm me and Holly chizilled
and talked on the phone with her boyfriend Jason and got
online to talk to Jason more then chilled and talked
about...Jason mostly...haha...newayz...at 1130 we fell
asleep which was so weird cuz we usually are up like all
night! At 3am we got up to go and wash our faces & brush
our teeth because we fell asleep without doing so! And we
got up at 10am (early for us!) and showered and all and got
her all pretty to go 4WHEELING with Jason haha...and I went
home at 1pm...I sorta sat around till 330pm or 4pm and then
I went to the mall because I needed to buy black pants and
shoes for the Spanish National Honor Society Induction on
Monday morning...my old ones are too short, we can't wear
jeans, khakis periods = disaster , and I don't want to wear a skirt
or dress because they aren't comfortable enough for school
and it is quite chilly outside. Newayz I bought them at Ups-
n-Downs for $20 but I tried on a 1 and a 3 and I thought
the 3 fit better but once I got home I thought they looked
too loose in the eh...booty area...(I have NO butt omg) so
I'm considering exchanging them for a 1 but I probably
won't...maybe my booty will grow by Monday (I doubt it
tho!)...and I got some shoes for $24.99 (not to be confused
with $25.00 ok?) at The Shoe Department (clever name huh!)
and then I left...and I've been online most all the rest of
the night just chiLLin...I talked to Jennifer...she needs
to quit cheating on her boyfriend and make up her mind what
she wants! then I talked to Kevin...he is so craZy haha...I
just talked to Laura...she asked about my "steven status"
cuz she noticed we were tight last week and I told her we
weren't anything really right now...I don't know what I
want with him......grrr......I don't think he's a right
person for me...I mean we've tried dating like 2 or 3 times
and we always decide to just stay friends...and we've both
noticed there's something "missing" from us...I think I
know what it is...its the LOVE!!!! We've NEVER said I love
you...and its because we don't...we get infatuated with
each other sometimes...we just have a lot of I guess
outward attraction to each other and sometimes we let the
attraction overpower us and we get into this superficial
relationship...its just "Friends With Benefits" and it
hurts...it confuses us both inside and its just not
healthy...especially since he wants to do so much more than
me and is very good at guilting me into stuff...he only
guilted me into something once but it will NEVER happen
again no matter what because we've kinda talked about it
now....and I've gotten more comfortable telling him no,
too...also...this breakup with Ben has brought me closer to
God and I know I'm forgiven for what me & Steven did and I
promised God, my friends Holly & Amy, and myself that I'd
never let myself do anything like that again. I know it
wasn't all my fault, but it was just as much my fault as
his because even though he DID push me, I didn't have to
give in and I could have done much more to stop it...

~*~GIRLS DON'T EVER LET A GUY GUILT YOU INTO DOING MORE
THAN YOU ARE OK WITH...IT ISN'T WORTH IT, IT ISN'T SAFE,
AND YOU WILL REGRET IT. NO GUY THAT IS WORTH YOUR TIME WILL
EVER PUSH YOU, NO MATTER WHAT...A GUY SHOULD RESPECT YOU
AND YOUR VALUES. THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU IS DON'T
GET YOURSELF INTO A SITUATION THAT MIGHT LEAD TO YOU HAVING
TO STOP HIM FROM DOING SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT OK
WITH...EVERYONE SAYS THAT I KNOW...AND YOU THINK ITS EASY
TO STOP...BUT ITS NOT AND ITS HARD TO BELIEVE THAT UNTIL
YOU HAVE BEEN THERE...I NEVER EVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED
DOING WHAT I DID BECAUSE I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS BETTER AND
STRONGER THAN THAT BUT IT TURNED OUT I WASN'T PREPARED FOR
IT...BEFORE I EVEN REALIZED WHAT I WAS DOING IT WAS TOO
LATE. DON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE PLZ. LUV YALL.~*~

Well that's my inspirational message for the night I was
looking for I guess hehe...gotstago...bye!!!
~*~Ashley~*~




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