my life (as told by me)
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2002-02-03 04:04:27 (UTC)

same old....

it's still the 2nd...just really late on the 2nd. lol. and
i'm tired, but i feel intrigued to write. i'm so random, i
swear. but anyways, i had all my chores today. that's what,
300 some odd rabbits? my back aches after all that. and i
got to drive to 'stota today for my little brother's indoor
soccer game. got to drive home too. that was my first time
ever driving in the dark. i did really good! i think i'll
be a fine driver, unlike some people i know. ;) but
anyways, i've been thinking a lot today, and i kept on
thinking back to last night and what i did...and wishing
that somehow i can go back and undo the damage that i did.
i dont think i've ever been that coldhearted in my life. i
was in the middle of feeding the rabbits and i'm like i
cant believe i did that. it's so upsetting to think what i
said...i swear i'm overly blonde at times. and i've been
thinking about someone else a lot for some reason. it's
like i've got two guys on my mind and i dont know what to
do with either of is confusing. and i dont fall
in love too easy. i dont even know exactly what love is. i
mean, if it's this feeling you get...where you're all
tingly inside when you talk to the person...or just see
that person you like, or think you love...then i've been in
love. but at this moment, i know i'm not in love.
just "like". i think being "in like" is safer...versus
being "in love", which can hurt you so bad that you wanna
just curl up in a corner and hide. if i dare to fall in
love again, i know who it'll probably end up being.
but...if the feelings are going to be returned or
not...only God knows that one. and i hope they are
returned, and that this doesnt turn out to be another one
of my "wonderous" relationships...where i'm either lied to
or used....i just want a boyfriend that really loves me for
who i am...and i love him in return...and just...i guess
the perfect boyfriend is what i want. i mean perfect to me.
but since nothing ever goes my way...i dont think i have a
chance with him...and even if i thought i did, it would be
slim to none. yet, despite this...and despite age and
everything else, i still like him. it's that feeling that
heather told me about today....that feeling where when "you
first saw him you knew he was the one for you." i think
that's this feeling...but i'm not gonna jump to anything
yet, because after what i just went through, my little
heart cant tolerate anymore pain. i've been through too
much lately, and i think it's time to move on and keep on
living life the way it was meant to be lived. happily ever

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