A look inside my head
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2002-02-03 03:25:44 (UTC)

Kyle Holloran

Maybe it's because I went out with Kyle within hours of
breaking up with Chris, but my whole relationship with Kyle
seems to be surreal. Eveyone said that I should have waited
a week before I went out with him, but I wasn't going to
turn down an opportunity like that one. I feel bad, or I
should say I felt bad, about dumping Chris because his
family treated me like I was one of their own. And we'd
always go over eachother's houses and stuff, but he is just
so immature. Not that Kyle is much more mature, because he
isn't, but some of the things that Chris said to me, like
calling me stupid, is uncalled for. 4 months is a long time
to go out with someone, and I'm suprised we lasted that
long. Although someone did tell me that Chris was going to
dump me sooner or later. But anyway, Kyle is really sweet.
And he'll actually kiss me, and he does it well. Chris
would never touch me, let alone kiss me, and as shallow as
it sounds, I just missed a guy's touch, so that's why I
went out with Chris. I'm so pathetic sometimes because I
just get in these moods where I know I'm acting like a
madwoman but I can't do anything about it. I really like
spending time with Kyle, but sometimes he just...I don't
know. Well, when he'll say something that I don't like,
I'll pull my hand away from his when we're holding hands
and usually he'll grab my hand tighter so that I can't get
it away. So to me that means he's still interested. And
when we're saying goodbye on the phone he always says "I
love you". Well, I shouldn't feel special about that one
because Sarah Parker told me that he said that to her too.
Ugh, why did he go out with Sarah Parker. It's beyond me.
But back to the point. One time in Spanish class we had to
write a little paragraph saying what we like. Well, at the
end he wrote "Mi chica favorita es Hillary. Es bonita."
That is soooo sweet. And when we went to the movies to see
the gayest movie ever, Kung Pow, he insisted on paying my
way. Although tonight I ended up paying for him because his
brother wouldn't lend him the money. And at the movies
tonight, he gave me 50 cents to get candy from the machines
at Hoytt's, so I know he still likes me. But I'm not sure
if he's really sincere when he says I love you. Then again,
last night when I felt like shit, he rolled me over and
said "Give me a kiss", I wasn't the one to make the
first move (I'm really tired so I can't think of any way to
put that better). I wonder how long our relationship will
last. I truly love him, and I don't want to because he's
the type to go through girls really quickly. I guess the
reason I feel weird is because I have these walls put up so
as not to get hurt, and maybe he's breaking them. Or at
least he'll be giving me another reason to build them.