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2002-02-03 02:39:01 (UTC)

wanted tears

Have you ever wanted to cry but you couldnt. Thats how I
am, im crying inside, and I havent stoped for days, but the
tears do not come, so I only cry inside and I do not stop,
and it burns in ways, because I feel like I do not control
anything anmore, not even my own tears. I need to cry so
bad, but I cant. I wonder if shes doing this on puropose,
if she likes to see me dead on the inside and the outside.
Thats why im crazy, cause I think its all her. But realy am
I crazy? Im not sure, I think I am, but what do you do
about it, I mean, common I cant even cry, and nobodys been
around, nobody realy gets it, everyone things im such an
asshole, there probrably right. The thing that scares me is
there is no breaking point for me this time, I just keep
going, and nothing happens, I need a breaking point. Whats
also bothering me is these headaches, I cant even process a
though, there killing me. do you think thats why I cant
cry, cause of the headaches. Ive got so much going on right
now, its just too much for once. I care about so little
right now, I just kinda go with it, look for a distraction
to keep my attention. Im so glad I told Amanda though, that
way she cant be hurt. I made sure not to hurt her, she has
to stay away till this is all over, till I can figure
things out, then it will all be ok hopefuly, hopefuly when
I can cry it will be ok, im just waiting, maybe im out of
tears, maybe.