out of reach
saturday and i feel ok
i started painting my room today. its going to take me a while to finish it all because i'm painting a mural on two walls and stripes on the other two. not a real mural with like a picture or a scene. but something kewl. i think its going to be very art deco. i'm excited because i've had the same color room since as long as i can remember. i'd say kindergarten maybe. and now in a few days i'll be 18 and finally it'll truly be a room of my own with what i want on the walls. being 18 really has nothing to do with it just the fact that it's been such a long time.
looks like i'm staying in tonite. i assume allison is with nick and erin is at kelly's house and no one else seems to be around. i really should read tonite. i have alot of catching up to do. i need to read metamorphisis and i need to read some of my abnormal psych book. allison is lending me her copy of atlas shrugged but only if i read it. i want to but i'm afraid i won't. i'm going to use this as a test though. if i can read this novel than i can take control of the rest of my life and stop being such a lazy, worthless piece of shit. i need motivation and i really hope allison encourages me enough to finish it. i really want to.
last nite i saw i am sam. i cried within the first five minutes of the movie and pretty much didn't stop until i got out to my car and left. i was just a wreck and my friends were making fun of me. oh well though. it felt good to cry. really good.
i'm feeling better lately. not so much depressed yet still lonely. but that feeling has been instilled in me since i had the mental capability to feel it. although if i continue to think about it now and wallow in it i'm just gonna feel as shitty as i felt last week so i'm going to stop.
i'm either going to read or watch movies now.