Zippy

Sleeping with the lights on
2002-02-02 20:17:20 (UTC)

good things won't let you wait.

Yesterday was not a very good day for me.
I tried to cheer up by the time I saw my baberz, but it
really didn't work. I probably should not have went out last
night, but I didn't fucking care. Everyone is telling me
that when people are idiots to me, just ignore them and I
FUCKING DO. I guess they don't understand that. I can't
change the way I am, and if I even wanted to I wouldn't do
it for the fuckers in my school. Sometimes though, they
really get to me, and yesterday was one of those days. I am
super happy with the way things are going with Jeff and I
though. He makes me so happy, but I'm just destined to be
miserable I suppose. I don't know if this medicine shit will
work much longer, and maybe I don't care, but I can't tell
what I care about anymore. I am so bored and there is
nothing to do so I don't know what to say. I have nothing to
say, and everyone is tired of me complaining about my
problems. The thing is though, that the only time I bitch is
on here, and people still try to get me to shutup. I am not
like this all the time but people are always expecting me to
solve their problems when I can't even figure mine out. Let
alone solve them. I do suppose that I should give myself
something to look forward to. Graduation..life in the
future. I don't even know what I'll be doing in the next 4
years, and it scares me shitless. These are supposed to be
the best years of my life, aren't they? Fuck, when I was 13
I wanted to kill myself. lol..well whoopdee doo. I keep
getting really behind on my school work because it bores me
so much. This stuff is nothing but a waste of my time. I
feel like everything is so boring, and it is. I'm always
going to be bored I think..because I don't have anything to
do but imagine what life is going to be like after I get
past the hardships of highschool. Don't you wish that
invisible ink stuff would actually make you invisible? I
would love it if nobody saw me, they just didn't pay any
attention to me. I could have it like that, I could be the
one they want me to be..the one that AMERICA wants me to be.
The perfect wonderful, blue eyed curly hair preppy slut. No,
I'm just trying to breathe. I can't help it if I want to
wear a pink dog collar. It's the only reason they all hate
me. I don't do anything to anyone, except try to be nice to
them. They all just have such a fucking shallow imagination,
and point of view. Nobody understands me, and the people
that do are my very best friends. I really can't wait til
Jeff calls me, but once again I'll just go to the coffee
shop and sit there and be bored and have nobody to talk to.
Maybe I'll get harassed some more up there, and that will
just top my day off, because I don't feel like living, and I
don't feel like dying. I don't want to cry, I don't want to
try..and I don't want to know why..but why do they all hate
me?
I don't feel the suns comin out today, it's staying in..it's
gonna find another way.. I think this is the only song that
makes me happy. When it is over I'll be sad,and I don't
really care that much. I don't know, better quit bitchin'
coz everyone only looks after themselves..and the people
that need reached out to are too far away