AmDx

A Reprehensible Shallow Society
2002-02-02 04:13:13 (UTC)

A time to remiss in my own misery

well, haven't written in a while here. I feel more attoned
of how I view upon the world, still to the same extent, but
in a more relaxed manner. Well, it turns out that I did
find someone who I thought was special, but she never met
me at a point where we were supposed to meet so I got
rejected there as she did not even have the decensy to show
up. It seems like my life is as a story book of some sort
considering these factors: my friend is a psycho and
pretends to be people who he's not. For instance, when I
was talking to a girl and I told him about it, he went on a
different screen name, making it seem like he was girl, and
tried to ruin it for me, which in result, he actually did
and that screwed over things in many aspects for me. I
don't know who to trust anymore, or who to hate, it seems
as if I have still not found a perfect niche in the world.
Their are so many phonies and posers in my school that I
can't even keep up with their mockeries of me as of late. I
recently spiked up my hair into perfect tips, added some
collars, and such just to mainly see their reactions and
how I could piss them off even further to a point of where
they could blatantly come up to me stating their hate for
me while I would wish death upon them, however, only
ridicule came towards me, no definitive hate. I give up
with punk girls, I was trying to lean toward that group
mainly because of my thoughts that their views actually
were down to earth, and could be morally ajust and
intelligent with the true society, however, most of them
are just not for me. I have however been taking a keen
interest and am beginning to find out what I truely belong,
a goth. Before people start pointing fingers at me and
start saying i'm a poser of some sort, let me finish. I am
as cynical and pessimistic as they come as I don't like to
sugar coat things. I love dressing in black as that is all
I wear, and am obsessed with not death in general, but just
the darkness and morbid theme of it which intrigues me. I
find it really unfair for people to call me a poser just
because they associate goths all the time with being
pagans, which alot of them are, however, im not. I'm in the
middle of things, and no religion really bothers me, but I
tend to view life in such ways which tend to fall in such a
catagory. I hope Im falling into some what of a path, and
at least my parents have gone to a point which they don't
care about how I dress really any more which in a sense is
a good thing, I just wish their was a school for anti-
phonies, anti-sports, and for goths and pessimists, what a
grand time that would be


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