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2002-02-01 19:49:21 (UTC)


i cant believe that a feeling like diz could eva arise! i
called mai boyfren last night and we were talking. He was
like i dont think we are going to make it. and i was like
why not?? and he said i dont know how we are going to work
out. and i got that feeling like i was pitiful and useless.
and i started telling him how i felt. and all he could say
was i dont know. and i was like just tell me a reason why..
and he goes you dont believe that me, kelly, and kenni lynn
are just frenz. and he said that no one does but still that
i dont have trust in him and i was like i dont know them
but ill drop it and believe you for now on since you are so
upset about it. and then he was like my mom is pissed
because of the other time she had to pay for mai gas since
i had to come pick you up and all.. and i was like okay??
but ur getting a job and he was like ya but i wont get paid
until 2 weeks. and i was like okay.. but thats no big
deal.. but also he was wasting gas that time riding around
up town with priscilla (they are just friendz) and so i
dont know. then he was like we dont get to see each other a
lot.. and i was like ya we do.. its just like ash n clint..
once on the weekend.. and he was like coz clint is
grounded. and i was like i tried seeing you more than once
but you are always gone somewhere with other ppl. and he
was like see. and i was like THATS NOT MY FAULT. and then
he was like still.. i dont know how we are going to work
out. and i was like well if you arent going to try then
tell me now. and he was like i dont know what to do. and i
was like i dont either but at least im trying. and he was
like you know everyday it gets worse. and he was like admit
it coz u kno its true. and i was like ya but ill change!
and he was like its not like it used tuh be and i was like
well all we do is go up town with all of your friends. he
was like ya.. that is boring too. and i was like ya i kno.
and i told him i hadnt eva been so close to anyone and that
i didnt wanna lose him like this.. he was like no matter
what i wanna still be frenz coz you are definitely sweeter
than most of the girls i know. and i was like but i dont
want to be just frenz. coz i kno we can be more than that.
and then my mom was like get off the phone coz we had been
on for 39 minutes and i told him i was going to call him
back and his phone supposedly was busy. i bet a million
bucks he was talkin to kenni lynn. coz he had said he could
talk about nething to her and so i guess thats wut he did.
was go and tell her bout our lil convo. but ashleigh got
clint to talk to him today so i cant wait to hear wut
justin said. if nething. and i feel bad coz i had tuh
mention sum stuff dat clint said. coz i was trying tuh get
justin tuh realize how he was acting and how it was
affecting everyone else. and so if clint or anyone that
knows clint is reading this.. tell him im sorry about
messing with his frenship wit clint. i made a habit of
relying on clint to talk to justin instead of me talking to
him.. i guess i somehow thought justin would listen to
clint. but i dont know. hopefully justin and me will stay
hooked up. coz i really have faith now since i slept on it.
and ive been thinking about it all day at skewl. i had to
go to skewl and juz hide mai tears and try not to think
about it but i did anyways. I guess i just gotta prepare
for the worst but hope for the best. eric made mai day
pretty good tho. when he first got on the bus he was like
bigwood whats wrong. coz usually im talking nonstop to
aaron or someone and there i was just staring out the bus
window. and then he was trying to cheer me up all day and
he made me laugh coz him and jason (his bro) sang the
sesame street song to me and it was really funny coz they
were tryin tuh hit dem high notes and i started laughing
and they go OMG she finally laughed BABY!!! lol.. eric is
fun.. i have to admit he is like one of those cute, standup
comedians! lol.. he was like im gonna go kick justin's ass
tonight. lol.. i was like okay? he was like ya afta werk im
goin tuh pizza hut and kickin him n his nuts and i was like
noooo and he goes c'mon u dont need them.. lol!! i dun
kno.. aaron had said that eric liked me coz he was askin
aaron questions bout meehz n all and i told aaron that i
loved justin and eric and me are just frenz right now. coz
if i have another relationship with a guy.. then it's gonna
be with one i know really good and all. anyways. i guess
thats all i got tuh say.. wish me luck yall!