It's my life
2001-04-23 06:55:14 (UTC)

Sunday, 11:40pm

I know I've been terrible at writing. and I've only just
begun doing this. Let's see, things happened last week but
really not worth going into. Saturday Chuy was supposed to
be home in the morning when I got off of work but was in
Tucson, so immediately I accused him of sleeping with some
chick he knows out there. I really shouldn't have jumped to
any conclusions but he should have had the decency to call
and tell me he wouldn't be home when I got off of work.
I really shouldn't be upset anyways. It's been over
a month since we haven't been official but we still
sleep with one another every now and the. Anyways, he called
me as soon as he got home about noon and I went over for him
to start on my car. Didn't get too much done because it
started raining and was really damn windy. So I stayed the
night, we had really good sex and didn't do much of
anything. I slept finally really good. When Sunday came
around he tried to get the rest done but fucked up and
couldn't complete the work I needed on my car. I wanted to
stay but he acted like I was just in the way so I left and
came home. I hate him so damn much sometimes. How can he
still sleep with me and have no kind of emotion the next
day. It makes me wish I could never call or see or talk to
him ever again. I used to think I was that strong but I
believe I am or was in love with Chuy so it's proven to be
harder then anything else. He must have not taken me very
seriously when I kind of hinted to him that I did love him.
I hate this whole scene I find myself in. I am ready for
someone to love me and me in love with them. I've been
ready. I want that companionship that people dream about. At
this time, I'm just one of those dreamers I guess. I'm
really looking forward to next weekend for the bass fishing
tournament. It should be really fun I just wish I had a
girlfriend that would like to come along. I don't feel too
comfortable going with just the guys but we'll see what
happens. Rahem said he'll come with me so maybe he'll
protect me. Anyways, I've been trying to work out and eat
less and I've only lost 5 lbs but it's definately a start to
be more motivated. I'll try to write in here every day.

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