Like A Frightened Rabbit
i just spent an hour hanging out wiv Ian at the window! it
was cool, just tlking about shit. he still scares me
though. i know he's not scary at all and i'm scared of
every guy, not just him. it's just there are things about
him that remind me so much of phil. like the way we were
argueing about whether i'm cute or not and he was like
holding my head making me look at him. phil used to do that
b4 he hit me. inside i knew ian wud never do that, but i
just expected it. also the way he strokes my head is like
wot phil used to so. its so wierd, coz he's so unlike him
in every other way. i dunno wot is rong wiv me. steph did
spk to me...asked if i was ok after the lesson, i sed "yep"
(lie lie lie lie) and she sed "good" chirpy as ever and
that was that! great fun.
anyway, i have quarter of an hour b4 my mum comes and piks
me and jen up! we're gonna fill ourselves full of cheese
toasties and watch cool films tonite, and tomoro nite we're
off to luci's for band practise and to get rat arsed...i'm
gonnna be happy this weekend. i'm not gonna think about n e
bad things, and i'm gonna try and stay happy! if i eat and
drink and sleep a lot it'l be easy....oh yeh that reminds
me...i'm sleepiong again now.
the nightmares aren't as vivid, not flashback n e
more...well not really flash backs.
last nite i dremt i was at leed festival and i met mik and
he was alive and it was great, and then phil showed up and
him and mik turned nasty and they were beating me up. it
did wake me up but i was ok and i got bak to sleep after a
while. i went sat out on the churchyard wall...it was
fucing freezing, but that made it nice. the ice and stuff
made me feel more alive....fresher....i dunno.
felt really in touch with sumfing last night. not something
bad...something good...hope it was mickey.
i'll rite on sunday.