writings on the wall
2002-02-01 10:45:11 (UTC)

are my standards really that high?

last night i cried myself to sleep again. it's been
such a long time since i last did that. & everytime i do
that, it's always because of Stanley. i didn't know what
triggered me, but i've got a feeling that it was the
conversation with Keane.

i remembered all the little things that he did that
made me feel loved: the way he kisses my hand, the way his
hand always found mine when we are walking & how he
sounded like a father when he said "no cold drinks okay?"
when i had a cough. i think to win my heart, a guy doesn't
have to lavish me with gifts, the little things that he
does will do.

Ken was sweet to me although it was only a date. i
know that we will never be in a r'ship but being with him
alone makes me feel content. the way he cuddles me after
sex & wait till i go to sleep before he does, something
that Stanley had never done. the way he squeezed my hand
when i told him that i liked it when a guy holds my hand
tight. the way he offered to carry my bags for me. it's
almost like having a boyfriend but without the heartbreak

i've got a feeling that Ken & I can be great
friends. i don't expect anything more than a friendship &
great sex from him. i like him as a friend but i really
can't imagine him as my boyfriend. maybe it's because of
his babyface-ish looks or his height, whatever it is, i
still haven't figured it out.

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