To Whom it May Concern: An Autobiography
2002-02-01 08:14:15 (UTC)

Passion Post Mortem

Why is it so tempting to throw oneself into an emotionally
tragic state? It must be so, or we would not fall in love
with tragic literature and stories of lost love. If we do
not have our own memories to lament over, we find agony in
fiction. Is this darkness merely part of human nature?
Do we wander through life lost and listless, only to
remember the pain of living, and to deny it again?
There is something so irresistable about passion,- passion
to the point of misery...

And as I struggle to keep from falling into this utter
blackness, I remember the dullness of reality. Perhaps
that is the attraction. We search for meaning, we learn to
love, feel such spirituality and universality in passion,
and we teeter between experiencing it fully, and denying it

I used to believe that those who weren't in pain, weren't
alive. Now I've become one of them, ignoring my history,
minimizing tramas, nearly accepting the pain as if it were
healthy. This is almost outrageous, for if pain was
healthy, then it would be pleasure.

Of course, the other part of me struggles to do what is
correct- to accept and embrace my trajedies, to overcome
them, and to discard them as if they were nothing to me.
Society says it is not acceptable to hold these trajedies
near to us, for they may cause another to remember their
own, so we toss them away, and bury them, forgetting the
importance. These terrible terrible things are precious,
because they remind us of what was lost. And the remind us
of what we had.

I am guilty of pressuring people to deny their pain.
Impatience, lack of time, and the fast pace of modern life
do not give us ample time to nurse our wounds, to heal
properly. Instead, we pretend that the gaping bullet hole
in our corpse doesn't exist, and keep walking, walking like
the dead. If One were to notice our wound, we would deny
that it hurts, or that it even exists.

Unfair is our callousness for our brethren: Taught from
birth to be uncomfortable with others hurt.. to fear making
others uncomfortable with our own.