ashley

writings on the wall
2002-02-01 04:54:22 (UTC)

am i really "fucking around"?

Keane thinks that i should stop fucking around (his
exact words). what does he know? he doesn't know how i
feel & may never know. how i am hurting because i gave my
heart to someone & he just tore it into a million pieces.
like the lyrics to the song Shining Through by Freddo
Starr & Jill Scott:"if you don't know me, don't judge me"

I quote what he said in his exact words: "do you
like the idea of one guy telling other guy that this girl
is easy to get her fuck. this guy who has been told that
you're easy to get for a one night stand could pretend to
like you, be nice to you and yeah.. get in your pants and
everything is over after that and those words get
circulated around the network of your friends...and every
guy would have no respect to you because you're easy to
fuck(no offense). and after everything you've gone
through, everybody starts calling you a slut".

so maybe he has a point there but do i care? not
really. because everytime i am with one of these guys, i
feel that i am loved, even if it's only for awhile but i
think it's worth it. i think it may sound stupid but to be
loved for a moment is better than nothing at all right? &
i also know that they only have one thing on their minds:
sex. but i don't care, really.

as long as i feel wanted & loved, nothing else
matters. & it's not like i don't enjoy the sex part.
having a boyfriend is too much of a hassle to me. if it
takes forever for me to get over Stanley, how many
lifetimes would be wasted on other boyfriends? & i know
that when i fall, i fall hard so i'd prefer all these one-
night-stands thingy to love, anytime, anyday.