Ode to a psycho!HA!
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2002-01-31 23:24:57 (UTC)


I'm going fucking insane!!!!! I don't know what to do!!!!!! I
am positively restless!!! I slept mabey an hour last night,
and not much more for several weeks now. I had an aweful day,
so many people asked me if I had broken up with nick yet. i
don't have the heart to I don't think. They all think I'm too
good for him, but what I don't understand is that If I were
too good for him, then WHY CAN'T I FIND SOMEONE ON MY
LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!! I know I'm too good for him, Not to be a
bitch, but truthfully I've been too good for every guy I've
gone out with.......except mabey Nick P........but I'm not
going into that right now! I got home, and I wasn't even in
the house 2 fucking mins and I get 4 phone calls. I wanted to
scream. I feel so alone, constantly, cut off, and yet I can't
even get two fucking mins to myself after doing shit and
working my ass off for other people for the past ELEVEN
hours. I haven't even been able to breate. I answered the
first two calls, and then I couldn't take it anymore. I
started screaming, MY GOD i was screaming, at NO ONE, and I
threw the phone. it hit the wall really hard. I think I broke
it. then I collapsed and the tears started flowing.Of course.
I dragged myself up. I had to stop crying my grandfather will
be here in ten mins. I have to go to FCCJ. I would really
rather go to abbys GOD i want to go. Just to be with people.
I know I wouldn't feel better though. but I can't let them
see me cry. I can't ever let them see me cry. If I wasn;t
leaving in 10 mins i would ride my bike to the bridge. It
should be low tide. if I should slip the oysters and the
concrete are always there to catch me. knives are too
obvious. I'm going to kill myself. I
hate...........everything. i am a horrible creature

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