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2002-01-31 22:39:10 (UTC)


I know that I shouldn't believe everything I read but this
is really weird. I am at a very high risk for depression
because of my past. And i'm quite sure I have some form of
depression. Anywys I have so many of the signs of
depression and I know I should do something about it but
the last thing I want is to be put on a drug that either
makes me so happy I could vomit or so relaxed I could fall
over. I don't wan that. I don't like who I am. I'm the
depressed type that the depression hits at any time. ican
be having a great time and everything and then I just go. I
spcae out and now with Aaron he automatically assumes I'm
mad at him even though I'm not and I honestly can't cheer
up. I know I should get help I mean counseling hasn't done
a thing and I have Aaron to talk to about stuff bugging me.
I have a fear of going to the doctor. Likve a few weeks ago
I had the worst pain in my abdomen and I am at high risk
for appendicitis and everyone at Aaron's house wanted e to
go to emergency room but i wouldn't. Then I was suppose to
tell my mom and I didn't. I was lucky that it wasn't my
appendix because had i been I very well could have died. I
mean it's that bad. Another thing I could have is an eatin
disorder. I was anorexic for about 4 months after the whole
incident a few years ago I honestly wanted to die. That is
what could be causing my depression. And Aaron and I had a
long discussion about it one night and I;m feeling like our
relationship is falling apart. I don't want it to but now
I've got a fear of him since we talked about it. I need all
the feedback I can get on this one thanks for taking the
time to read this