blueswede

spinal tap lullaby

I went to a math competition today, going along as an
alternate. I did all right on the individual exam, but of
course didn't place. There was another extra at the
contest, a girl who was homeschooled, and so we were
grouped together for the team exam. We got the problem
right, but didn't place. It all boiled down to
presentation, and ours just wasn't perfect enough. Ah well.

So after returning from that, I went to practice for the
musical, where we continued to run through the very first
scene. We also did some work on later songs, particularly
with the chorus bits. I need to figure out what the story
is with who does what. It's very unclear whether the
chorus is everybody, or just the people designated as
such. If everyone is in the chorus, it's going to be huge
and unmanagable. Plus, I'll have to show up more often.

Then, a QuizBowl match. We recovered from the pain of last
week's loss to kick some major ass. Our win-loss record
may only be second best, but I wouldn't be surprised if we
were tops in points. We broke 300 again at this match, and
I did well, probably better than ever before. All in all,
it worked out quite nicely.

A funny thing happened on the way back from the math
contest: I fell asleep in the van listening to Spinal Tap's
album "Break Like the Wind." I fell asleep somewhere
around track 4, and woke up at the beginning of "Christmas
with the Devil," which I think is track 11. It's very
strange, falling asleep listening to one of England's
loudest bands. I followed that up with a nap before dinner.

So my life's pretty full of activities right now. It isn't
so much that I have so much to do, but that it all takes
place at the same time. It's the second semester of my
senior year, and I'm trying to branch out now. I don't
really know why I waited until now to do this kind of
thing; my guess is that my disillusionment with performing
arts is wearing off. That could be good or bad, depending.

It's funny, though; it seems like everything I've been
doing lately, i.e. choir, the musical, writer's group, has
been an attempt at getting some sort of social interaction
in my life. So far, though, it's mostly been a cheap
substitute. I can't relate to the people in choir, and the
same goes for most of the musical cast. Writer's group is
ok so far, but the writing part is a little weird. So much
of it sounds like an attempt to be deep or be symbolic. My
attempts at symbolism never work, and I know I'm not that
deep, so why write that way?

Getting back on subject, even computer science seems to be
a cheap substitute for what I really want. I was thinking
the other day, "How did I get interested in this? And
would I have if I'd had a life?" It just seems like the
course is functioning as a surrogate for living a normal
high school life.

But tell me, why am I the one who's different? While my
peers are living fairly normal lives, hanging out with
their significant others, partying, and going to dumbass
dance clubs, I'm taking computer science courses at the
local college. One of my friends from high school is
taking a college course, but it's physics, and is very
similar to AP Physics at school.

Whatever the case, being the way I am doesn't help my
social life much. Maybe people are uncomfortable with me,
or maybe they just fear what they don't understand. But
this sort of thing also puts me at a disadvantage when it
comes to interacting with girls.

The scenario usually plays out like this:
Attractive Girl: "So where are you going to college?"
Me: "I'm not sure yet, still waiting to hear back from
several places. How 'bout you?"
Girl: "Probably %insert state school or in-state private
school%, they've got %insert program of study%."
Me: "Ah, so you're thinking maybe %insert career related to
girl's planned major%?"
Girl: "Yeah. What about you?"
Me: "I'm leaning towards computer science at this point.
I'd like to maybe make games someday. But I want to keep
my options open."
Girl: "Ah, I see." *leaves to talk to future business or
journalism major*

Basically, I can't pinpoint the source of my interest in
computer science. Did it have something to do with my lack
of a social life? Probably. The question is whether I'm
solving the wrong problem. See, as illustrated above, CS
doesn't help me become a babe magnet. In fact, it probably
further increases my readout on the nerdometer. Result: my
social situation becomes even more frustrating, I delve
further into machines, and a vicious cycle ensues.

This whole thing had a point when I got started, but I lost
it long ago. I'm out.