Kerensa

Misspelled Words
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2002-01-31 01:32:40 (UTC)

Bleh.

Well, I took Carrie to Planned Parenthood. It's come to
my attention that it seems Carrie needs me for various
things and reasons. Sometimes I think she's purely using
me, than others I don't. She does things for me, as I do
things for her. She's simply relying on me just like I can
for her.
Monique, another friend of mine, is a little different.
She's more of a 'loner' when it comes to her problems and
things. Sometimes it's a little different with her. Her and
I rarely talk on the phone, we always ignore one another
and go off on other things. Sometimes I'll try to say
something and she'll just totally block me out, I'll have
to yell or raise my voice for her to hear me out. But when
I do that, she tends to get a little angry. She can do
things, but I can't? Where's the fairness in that? I guess
that's just her personality. Monique and I fight a lot,
though. I don't really know WHY we do. It'll be over the
stupidest things, too.
My mother and I have been getting along a lot more than
usual. It's sorta weird. Maybe she met someone new and I
haven't heard about it yet. A few weeks ago she broke it
off with a guy she had been going out with for months and
months. She seemed really happy with him, too. But things
weren't met and he stopped giving her what he used to give
her in the beginning of the relationship. They started
breaking off, he said he wouldn't change and she said she
couldn't go on with the way things were going. When I tried
giving her my support, she told me she didn't need it.
So..yeah.
Tomorrow I have to go to school. What fun. I really
can't stand it anymore. I want to quit so bad, but I'm not
going to. I don't want to give up. I have my mind set on
graduating next year, and if I have my mind set on it I
will do it. People find me weak, it really depends on where
and how they look at it. I can be pretty strong when I have
my mind set on a goal. Usually I can't be budged from that
thought or that goal once I've made up my mind. Usually, if
I want something I'll keep it in mind until I can get it. I
have a pretty strong will-power when I set my mind to it.
It really depends on if I care or not. but school is just
getting to the point where I don't care what happens to me
or not. No one seems to understand that at all. They all
look at me like I'm some crazy person, like I have
everything going my way. Like I have everything I want and
or need. Like I've said before, I know a lot of people have
problems worse than mine but I have problems nonetheless.
Death seems to be the cause of all of them, too. Great
Grandpa, Ruth, Uncle Jim, Father, and soon Great Grandma.
I found my great grandpa dead outside by a tree. The
cops say he had a heart attack while he was putting out the
food to feed the deer and he fell and hit his head pretty
hard on the tree, just making it all the worst. Ruth, one
of my old, old, old best friends died. And I found out a
month after it happened. I was devistated... I cried for a
while on that one. Uncle Jim I barely knew, but it hurt my
mother causing it to hurt me just as much. Seeing her cry
made it hurt more for me. My father...I found out he died
December 17...six months after he died. SIX! I came home
from school seeing my mom crying. She sat me down on the
chair and then told me she didn't know how to tell me
this.. in the end she, of course, did. We both cried
together for what seemed like forever. Eventually I ran out
of tears and sucked it in for the rest of the day. Though,
that day I got in touch with my family on my dads side. You
see, I've never actually met my father.. So when I found
out he died, so did all my dreams and goals, too. My dream
and goal was to meet him.. but hearing he died caused them
to die as well.
Well, later days...


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