Kerensa

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2002-01-30 22:22:09 (UTC)

A Story I Created

I remember it like it was yesterday.. the scent of
the freshly cut flowers.. the warm affectionate hugs my
husband gave me everyday.. the words "I love you" we would
repeat over and over again. I was happy, he was happy, life
grand at the time. Nothing could bring us down. Nothing
could ruin what we had.. or, at least I thought.
After time, things suddenly felt different, I could
feel that something was wrong between the two of us.
Kojirou would come home, and I would ask him how his day
went.. he used to answer with full explanations of what
happened. He would put so much detail into what happened
during his day. He would smile as he told me, he would
stare right into my eyes. He could look at me like he had
never saw me before.. but still make it seem like he knew
who I was. Just the way he looked at me.
Things began to change, I don't know how they did,
or why.. but things got different. He would come home and
he wouldn't give me the stories of his day, he would tell
me in short little sentances. I would ask, "How was your
day?" He would respond, "Oh, it was good." And before I
could even ask the next question, he had already wandered
off to do other things. I could feel as if he still loved
me the same, but there was something else there, something
that he wasn't telling me. But I couldn't really put my
finger on it.
Kojirou came home once, angry for some reason. He
was really starting to change. He wasn't the man I once
knew, the man I met long ago. He was changing into someone
else. I followed his angry steps to our room, he kicked off
his shoes and angrly sat down on the bed, he yelled at
me. "Get out of here! NOW!" His eyes seemed to burn into
mine as he looked at me, but not with the passion that
would usually burn.. this burning in his eyes was so much
different. And.. was that the sent of alcohol on him, just
barely there? I didn't pay much mind to it. I left the
room, leaving him there.
I went downstairs and sat down in the living room,
in one of the chairs, pulled up a book, and began reading
it. After some time he came downstairs, and walked over to
me. He apologized for yelling, but didn't tell me why he
was mad. Things seemed a little better that day.
About a week later, he came home madder than he was
the last time. I watched him storm into the house. He made
his way to the steps to stomp off up to our room, but
turned into the same room I was in. I could tell he was
mad, and I could smell more alcohol on him than I did
before. What was happening to him?
He stomped over to me and grabbed me by the arm.
His eyes seemed so different than what they used to be.
They actually scared me. I kept quiet, even though he
started to tighten his grip on my arm, after it was a
little too much to take I spoke up, "Kojirou.. please..
you're hurting me.." He didn't say anything, he just looked
at me, his eyes locked on mine. A few seconds later he let
go and stormed up to our room and slammed the door behind
him. I rubbed my arm a few times and tried to forget about
what happened.
A few hours later he came back down stairs and
confronted me, "You know.. Lisa, I'm sorry about what I
did.. I wasn't thinking." I smiled and hugged him, it felt
so good to hug him. He almost felt like the man I
married. "I love you," I told him. "I love you, too." He
said. I almost didn't want that moment to end.
More time passed, he stopped coming home at night.
I started to cry myself to sleep. I started to worry if
there was someone else, if my only love was cheating on me.
Those thoughts constantly flooded my mind. When he did come
home, he seemed violent. I started to keep my distance from
him, I didn't want to make him any madder. I was actually
scared of the man I loved with all my heart.
One night he came home late and I was already
sleeping. He quietly snuck into our room, and climbed into
bed. I woke up right away, and layed there pretending to be
asleep. He rolled over and whispered a few things to me
that I couldn't really make out, I could smell the alcohol
on his breath. I didn't want to believe that he was
drinking in all the times he was away from home and off of
work.
That night, after Kojirou thought he woke me up, he
tried something. I was more scared of him then than I ever
was. He tried forcing himself on me. I begged and pleaded
him to stop. "Kojirou, please.. don't. Kojirou!" He didn't
say anything, he continued to do what he was doing. I tried
to get away, nothing I did seemed to get though to him. He
was too drunk. I began to cry. My sobs were mixing in with
my pleads. I decided since telling him and begging him to
stop didn't work, I would have to try something else. I hit
him, but not too hard. he took both my hands and held them
down over my head. He looked down at me. His eyes seemed a
lot more angry than kind. After a few minutes he got off me
and rolled over and went to bed. I rolled, putting my back
to him. Sobbing silently. Crying myself to sleep.
I got up early the next day, just so I could get
out of bed before he did. I wanted to get away from him.. I
hurried downstairs and sat down in the living room,
thinking about what he did last night. Hoping that it would
never happen again. I began to wonder, why wasn't I trying
to talk to him about any of this? Why did I continue to let
everything go? Was I that afraid to bring anything up to
him? I did feel like he would hurt me if I made him upset.
I didn't want to upset him at all. I just wanted everything
to go back to the way they were.
He never really hit me, but I was still afraid of
him. After he got up, he walked downstairs, not mentioning
a word from the night before. In a way, I was almost glad,
I didn't want to talk about what happened to him. He
grabbed his coat, put it on, slipped on his shoes and left,
slamming the door behind him. I wondered where he was
going. I could hear the car door slam shut, and the engine
turn on. I could hear him roar it and then speed off. He
seemed to rush when ever in the car, he started speeding
where ever he went. He was more of a daredevil, only he was
never careful in the least bit. He neve wore a seat belt,
and I think he started to drink as he drove. Why was he
doing this?
He didn't come back that night, and I didn't hear
from him at all. It wasn't unusual to be left in the dark
by him. I didn't think anything of it as I went to bed.
Around one in the morning, someone called. I picked up the
phone on the bed stand. As I listened to what the person
told me, he informed me he was a police officer, and that
my husband had gotten into an accident.. He also notified
me that Kojirou was also drunk. I couldn't believe it.
Something happened to him. My eyes filled with tears. I
asked if Kojirou was alright. There was a long pause before
the officer responded. "No, he didn't live through the
crash." I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to. I got off
the phone with the officer.. and layed in bed awake the
rest of the night thinking of Kojirou. I never got to find
out what was bothering him. I wondered if I should have
asked him, even though he somewhat scared me. I wondered if
there was anything I could have done.. but it was too late.
Why should I worry about that.. Why should I..?


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