LooLoo

still vewnting, same subject

I obviously need to take some kind of break from R. I need
to not talk to her online or on phone... I can barely
control myself when she starts talking about what the
insurance company HAS to do for her. Or how her boss is out
of line for getting mad because she is missing EVEN MORE
work.

I have to show up for work. Whatever happens, I have a
responsibility to my job and company if they are going to
continue ot employ me. If I am going to keep my job, then
obviously, I need to show up fpr a reasonable amount of
time. Why would that not apply to her? She expects them to
be all sympathy & solace & you take whatever time you
need... they employ her because they need her there, not an
empty chair.

This is silly. I need to let it go. I just can't do it
though. Every time I talk to her it is like she expects
some kind of sympathy from me and I just can't give it...

I thought writing this might release something or I would
feel better, but I don't.

I need to see about getting some help for my own problems.
I can NOT make myself get out of bed sometimes. I am late
getting to work sometimes because I just can't do it. (To
note, I do get chastised for it, but I am not exactly in
a 'clocking' position and my work all gets done and done on
time. If anythingI work more than 40 a week, never less.) I
need to get past this getting out of bed issue. I know it
is a sign of depression, so I have to nip that in the bud
and quick. I don't have time. If I could just get up and
walk or run for a couple of days, I think it woudl pep me
enough to keep doing it. It's just that first day of doing
it that I need to get past...

I really have a million things I want to take care of and I
feel so overwhelmed....

*inhale*
*exhale*
*inhale*
*exh.....