2002-01-29 04:33:34 (UTC)


Well, I thought I'd drop a few lines before I start getting
ready to go to bed. Man, once again....I'm home at 11. I
know I told myself that I wouldn't do it anymore, but
temptation is calling! Okay, Brian......why is it so hard
to just leave him alone. I think it's his nonchalant
attitude and the challenge I get from it. I talked to him
tonite about it. I was kinda scared to because I didn't
know what he would say......and guess what? He really
didn't say anything! I felt kind of stupid, but then
again...I didn't care that much. I mean, he said that he is
just the mellow type. I also told him that I do like him,
but I don't put anything on it because I wasn't getting to
know him because he always goes home for the weekend. I
won't ask him to stay, knowing the obligation he has at
home, well, not really obligation. He said something that
was irrelevant to the topic after that. I mean, I really
don't know what to do about it. It's definitely something I
won't stress out over. It's just Brian Staley. Dang, he is
so sexy to me. Last nite, when we were over there...I
wasn't talking to him. He was in front of Jacan's car
rocking it......I don't even know what to say. It was just
something about the whole movement of him doing it. See, he
knows what he's doing. Then earlier today, when me and Dee
went over there while we were suppose to be collecting
money, he was walking around in some gray sweat pants.
Okay, it's something about gray sweat pants that turns me
on. Brian isn't all that big, but he has enough......it
looked too enticing! Listen to me, my hormones are really
getting off the chain. Oh yeah, I'm tired of people trying
me! Okay, Martell keeps talking all this junk about giving
him one hour and if I don't give in, then he won't try
anymore. He keeps saying that he has three months to try.
Whatever! Then, I was leaning against the wall today and me
and Nick were holding hands, so he came up to me and put
all his weight on me. I felt everything! I will say that
I've been pretty strong about this kind of thing. If don't
find a way to release all this built up....whatever it
is....then I'm gonna give in to someone. One more thing,
Charvis! He came and saw me yesterday at work. Now, I know
he is pretty much a ho, but I have love for him. I kind of
told him that I might come stay with him this weekend in
Warner Robins. I don't think I trust myself enough to be
with him one whole nite. I've never tongue kissed him or
anything, but we commonly kiss each other on the lips all
the time. There is something there. Probably just lustful
feelings, but it's something. I don't know man. It would be
something to do. My mother is going to Savannah for the
whole weekend! Her and Jarez are leaving me and my brothers
here by ourselves. I might just ride out to Wartown because
ain't shit else going on around here. If I still feel like
I do now....I might give off some of this pent up energy!