sitting in my dorm room...
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2002-01-29 00:11:05 (UTC)

salvation in typing?

yes, this must be about the nine hundreth time ive started
a diary...im praying that this time is different..its the
first ONLINE journal ive kept..so why should this one be
the same as any other? ha!

salvation in typing you ask? yes..my life has come to a
point where i need a release yet i feel the need to keep
secrets of my own...i have burdened my friends quite enough
with my crazy tales of frustration...my boyfriend drives me
crazy..even for no good reason sometimes..and he has
divulged to me the other day that he loves me..which came
with a strong plea not to share this revelation with any
other living soul..(selfish it seems..is he afraid?) so
here i turn to this..a journal...

yes me and alexey have a decent relationship..despite the
fact that no one ever thought it would work..im too good
for him..hes too beautiful for me..and we dont communicate
very well most of the time...yet ive fallen hard for my
pretty-mamas-boy and might have even slipped the "L" word
on our mere 3-month anniversary...yikes you say?

i dont really want to go rummage through all the horrible
and beautiful moments that have landed us where we
are..lets just say its a comfortable relationship that has
its bouts..on to the bitching stage!!

so todays topic of annoyance: overalls!

yes..i thought i looked damn cute in my overalls
today..thought id get a nice compliment on just how damn
cute i am from the boytoy..ha!! no..all i got was a huge
fight about the fact he thought i looked "interesting" in
them..which later meant that i dont have the right body
type to wear such baggy articles of clothing cause
im "chubby..but its cute"..yah..another long story..

do i really want complete honesty?

alexey has learned well that most of the time..girls dont
really wanna hear the truth..even though we insist upon
it..isnt that quite odd? its just females..alexey has gone
from ruining my self esteem time and time again..to not
wanted to say a damn word because ill explode and then im
not happy..we arent happy..im so selfish and conceited..i
want him to tell me im perfect because he really means that
i am perfect..not because its what i wanna hear or because
what he really thinks is much less of me..i know hes
happy..why cant i leave it at that?

oh well..this is just the first bitch episode..if i didnt
have so much work with chem and physics tomorrow i just
might have finished bitching..but right now im off to the
gym to sweat off those extra pounds that prevents me from
looking damn cute in my overalls..hmph! (Monday, Jan 28,
2002- 7:11 PM).