One fucked up Life

my mind is fucked
2002-01-28 21:53:34 (UTC)

why am i such a fuck up

WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THE WAY I AM?! I went to school
today for the first time in forever.....omg.....i dont know
what i was picturing...but it wasnt that.....i guess i
figured that i'd go and everything would be
different....but its not.....people still look at me
like "fuck up ____".....why did i think it would be
different?! I'm so stupid.....I cant even fuckin go
through a day without brakin some kinda
rule.....AHHHHHH....I'm so aggrivated..... I start work
tomorrow....maybe that will help with the self
confidence.....I need to change totally...maybe I need to
stop hanging out with mike......thats going to be
hard....he's my bestfriend....what would i do without
him?! he's my life.....I fuckin do everything with that
kid....EVERYTHING....no, i cant stop chillin with
him...definately not.....ok...next plan....I'm in over my
head with some of these classes they got me in....I guess I
gotta make up mad shit from what i failed last year....How
the fuck am I going to do this? I havent gotten a decent
grade since I was in fuckin 8th grade!!!! I have to do it
though.,..I NEED to graduate or I will hate myself forever
and regret it so badly....I just cant seem to get myself to
put forth the effort....WHATS WRONG WITH ME??? I'm
changed..but inside...I'm still me.....and "ME" isn't
good!!!! I wish I could just be different.....Maybe
tomorrow I will feel better...I HOPE..
Love,
ME


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