The Fallen and Damned
Ad 2:
2002-01-28 18:21:24 (UTC)

mon dieu-i have betryed

she made her life hell for everyone - perhaps now she will
be repayed as she only deserves

i opened my box, again. i keep so many evils inside me, i
dont want to let them out, but they come out anyway- i hurt
those i love best - i cut the heart of one i love so much -
i shall detail :

it was a foolish prank, not for the prankers, but so that we
could tell the victem and embarrass him - it went to far, it
always does. and now i shall have to pay -

the three fold law is at my door- but this time i welcome it
with open arms - i am doing my best to push him away - i
dont want to hurt him again-not like that - not ever!

i do not want him to forgive me - i will not forgive myself
- how could i be so selfish? everyone is mean, but i am
cruel - i dont want to have anymore to do with myself

i think that it will be best if we dont speak anymore- it
will hurt me very deeply - i love this boy with all my heart
- i dubbed him "cubed i" and called him my little brother-
for that was how i felt - how much i wanted to take care of
him and protect him - i love him dearly - how could i hurt
someone i love so much so badly??

my only worry now is that he will want to be friends again -
to forgive me even though the hurt is still raw- and he will
not understand when i dont accept a rekindled friendship - i
do not mean to cause bitterness or war - but it is best that
we never speak again- not like we used to - no, not like it
was - but i dont think he will forgive me for a long time,
if at all

i have hurt so badly many people in my life - my family
especially - i dont deserve friends, not friends taht care
about me anyway- for they are wrong, there is nothing worth
caring about- i hate the way i am - i hate who i am, what i
am - i loathe and dispise every essence that is I - alone is
better - then i can only hurt myself- which is really what i
have been doing all along - perhaps i shall quit the whole
business entirely.