BigBearLover

UCLA Bear Chasing
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Ezoic
2002-01-28 10:18:36 (UTC)

A smidgen of the unusual

Monday, January 28 2002. 1:46AM

Playlist: Sarah Vaughan - "Scat Blues"
Los Amigos Invisibles - "No me pagan"
Leonard Cohen & Tori Amos - "Famous Blue Raincoat"
Kate Bush - "Running Up That Hill"
Geri Halliwell - "Scream If You Want to Go Faster"
Esquivel! - "Baia"
DJ Shadow - "Building Steam with a Grain of Salt"

I saw Vanilla Sky today. Kinda late, I know: it's been out
for a while. It was an amazing film, but I expected such
from Almódobar, by whom the original was in Spanish, if I'm
correct. The red herrings in the movie, the beautiful
cinematography, and this attachment to the characters that
makes one want to know the whole story kept me enraptured.

I went with Alex. We went to the Abbey in WeHo afterward
and had nachos and mochas. After that, we returned to his
house and fooled around on the internet and watched Queer
as Folk. The QAF episode was very clever; I have to say
that I did not enjoy the first episode of the show that I
saw: the season cliffhanger of 2000-2001 season. I found
the show, then, to be trite and cheesy. I wasn't impressed
with Hal Sparks. Now, though, the more I watch it the more
I can see the subtleties that I had missed. I appreciate it
more.

I came back to the dorm to see some emails that not so much
upset me as...i don't know...concerned?--no, something
different. I'm sure there's a word to describe the way they
affected me, but until I figure it out I'll leave it at
that. I came back to the dorm to see some emails that
affected me. I got an email from someone who was interested
in me but HIV positive. He's handsome and sounds
intelligent from the website that he sent me. I'm not ready
to involve myself physically(sexually, that is) with
someone who is positive, though. I feel bad about writing
him to tell him that. I know it's better that I told him
it, but I wish there was something more I could do. I wish
I could make it so easy for HIV positive people. It has to
be so unimaginably tough to have that rejection. It seems
cheesy but I wish I could just cure it with my tears--hug
someone to health. I feel like that I wrote so much makes
me a huge ass. Such an ass because I think him so different
that I feel I owe him an explanation, that I think it's my
place to spare his feelings for some sick reason. I think
it egoism on my part, even now, to write an explanation
about how I explained myself. Am I a total asshole? Do I
have a right to express my confusion? I accept consequences.

Ironies.

I got a letter from a guy in Argentina who thought I was
cute. He sent me his pictures. I asked him some questions.
He replied thrice, sending the same message twice and the
third was a plea for me to find the information about what
it takes to naturalize into the US, or if the US will grant
him some kind of asylum as an Argentinian because of the
chaos of the country. I don't know how or what to reply. I
know it's not my place to be his savior at all in that, but
I'm the type that likes to help. Maybe I'll find some
internet links in Spanish detailing what has to be done. If
there were some kind of domestic partnership law that
allowed for the naturalization of partners, it would just
be a matter of him falling in love with someone here.

Heteros have it so easy in that.

On a totally different topic, I wish Derrick would give me
some hint as to what he perceives us to be or what he
desires us to be, with regards to a definition. I don't
know if I'm jeapordizing what I have with him by being not-
so-exclusive, or if he's keeping his doors as open. We
kinda decided on that we're "dating" but we didn't talk
about exclusivity. I'm afraid to bring up the topic because
if I bring it up there's some very negative possible
scenarios. If he's assuming we are exclusive, then he may
think that I'm dating someone else and resent me for it. If
he's assuming that we aren't exclusively dating, then he
may feel a need to hide his other dates from me to spare my
feelings. I need to talk to him about it. I even planned on
doing it yesterday, but he had a flat tire and couldn't see
me. I think it's a topic that needs be discussed face-to-
face. I'm going to call him tomorrow and try to plan on
meeting up with him sometime during the week or over the
weekend.

I found a cute pic of him at a bear website :) I might load
it onto my cliè.

Anybody who doesn't have DJ Shadow's Endtroducing is
missing out.

As for other internet nonsense, I went to
www.EugeneMirman.com and was very amused. My audiogalaxy
sattelite is currently functional due to a MS Windows
reinstall after a bout with a stupid virus. I've downloaded
a gigabyte of music since. Lots of good stuff out there.

I've been sick with some kind of head cold turning into a
sinus infection. It's nothing entirely novel, because with
a deviated septum such lack of nasal breathing is a daily
fact of life. A cold just means more snot.

Blame it on the photons.


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