2002-01-28 09:50:04 (UTC)

Plum Sky

After I left Main Medical tonight I went around back and
parked my car on top of that huge hill in that lil park
where you can sit on the benches. I sat in my car with my
window rolled down in a no parking zone. I sat there and
stared looking down at the millions of beautiful lights of
the city. I could see the airport. A plane landed when I
was watching. It was awesome. It looked so big compared to
everything else around it even though the airport was
across the water way far away. The air was fresh and
smelled so good. Whenever I am in portland walking around
or with my window down at night it reminds me of the times
we walked around the city holding hands together for hours
at night. So beautiful. So amazing. So perfect. A movie.
Jake and Allison's Romance Novel. So far we have completed
the introduction. We left off with a cliffhanger and I
can't wait to get to the next chapter. I guess we'll have
to wait a year though. :/

The first date we ever had you took me to the waterfall by
your parents house. I went there after I dropped off your
clothes. I got out of my car and stood where we kissed. I
cried so hard. That was before I went to see my mom. After
seeing my mom and watching the plane land across the little
body of water and all the beautiful lights I went to the
3rd place you took me that first date we had together. The

I parked my car and got out. I went to the end where we
always sat and kissed. I cried. I needed you there. I
wanted you there more then anything in the world. So I
pretended you WERE there. I smiled to myself and pictured
your face all excited saying,

"Jacob!! Look a boat's coming in!!"
then I answered myself and said, "Kool!"
Pretending to be Allison, "i like boats jacob! I want to
touch it!"
"Me too Allison i wish i was on that boat right now."
Allison: "Yea! I want to get on a magic carpet cuz they are
the coolest thing in the world and I want one and I want to
ride it to the boat and I'll take you with me!"
Jake: "That would be SOOO FUN!"
Allison: "Yea and then we can ride off together into those
cotton candy clouds in the horizan."
Jake: "Yea and I'll grab a piece of it and we'll eat it
together. The pink cotton candy clouds, the plum sky."
Allison: "That would taste sooooo good! Jake!!! I'm hungry

I went on and on like this creating our own little
conversation for about an hour (litterally) I would picture
your happy face smiling and you excited bouncing up and
down, running up and down the piere. The beautiful night
piere. Beside the piere was a huge boat. And I looked down
beside it and saw a realy dark grey seagull resting in the
water. I said, "Hi little seagull what are you doing
there?" He just looked up at me into the night sky
nervously. That's when I noticed he had a busted up left
leg. He couldn't fly away he was stuck. I wanted to help
him but I couldn't. :( The air was silent besides the
gentle breeze. Smelled so good. So perfect. Heaven.

I like the piere A LOT now. The way the lights reflect off
the water. And the sweet ocean water smell. I took a nice
piss behind a big blue dumpster making sure nobody saw me.
That was kinda fun. I remembered our first time coming here.

It was trickling rain and it was running down your forhead,
your face, so beautiful and we kissed, a movie. Always like

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
"When everything feels like the movies, yah you bleed just
to know your alive."

Well I just cut myself Allison, litterally, and I'm
bleeding. Shit it was real. Holy Fuck! Our relationship was
REAL! We weren't dreaming!

I ran up the piere imagining you chasing me and I ran back
down it imagining you chasing me. I started walking to my
car and I imagine your raised eyebrow wide eyed look when
you want something really bad. I said to myself pretending
to be you talking in that enthused mannor, "Jake-ub I want
pizza! yyeeeaaahhh!! PIZZA! jacob!!!" Then i said, "jake-ub
i want chessy puffs!!! chessypuffs!!!"

Then I cried all the way home.

I cried because I insanely miss you more then you will ever
I cried because my mom is insanely sick and I am scared she
is gonna die.
I cried because Allison and my mom are the two people I
love the most in this world and they are both being taken
away from me.

Love is the only reason to live. My love is being crushed
and smushed and fucked around with and It is killing me.

I need you right now Allison. To hold me. Run your fingers
through my hair. Kiss me. Tell me you love me. Tell me it
will be okay. Someone tell me it will be okay. PLEASE.