2002-01-28 09:18:25 (UTC)

I remember..... Our Last Day Together

Your dad calls. Allison won't be coming back for about
another year.
And here I am. Dieing. I just gotta keep on breathing. We
just gotta keep on breathing.

I think back to the last day we shared together.

It was one of the most amazing days we have shared
together. We layed in bed ALL day. We watched that Robbin
Williams movie where his wife is shotgun blasted in the
head by some phsycho who went mad because of a radio talk
show host who drive him to the point of no return. Robbin
Williams goes wacko in the head with the death of his wife
and imagines he is seeing dragons and fantasy creaters
enveloped in his own fantasy.

While watching the movie my head was on your chest and I was
listening to your heart beat. You were gently runnign your fingers
through my hair. I was in heaven. That moment right there I felt
more in love with you then I ever have. The way you were holding me
and they way your breath was gently touching my neck... and most of
all, the way your fingers were running through my hair so perfectly.
You know EXACTLY how to love me. You do it so PERFECT. At that
moment I was the happiest man I have ever been in my life. You
didn't know this because I never told you. At that moment Allison I
litterally said to myself, and ment it more then I ever have,

"Allison is the girl I am going to marry. She is THE ONE. I love
her unconditionally forever."

You made my stomach all tickley and I had this fuzzy feeling all
through my body. With my head on your chest and your fingers gently
running through my hair, I was SO HAPPY. I was high. I swear to god.

After that I remember I held you in my arms. You kept smiling REALLY
big and wiggling your feet around in the bed. I held you laying down
next to me as close as I could.... and you kept smiling and wiggling
your legs and feet around.... it made a "whoosshhh, whhoooosh" sound
on the sheets as your feet went back and forth. Your eyes were all
happy and slanted together with your HUGE happy grin. You kept
making little pleasure noises tooas you smiled so
big, "eeeeuuuaaaaa" "hmmmmmmmmm" "awwwwwwwwww"

I asked you, "What?" because I wasn't sure what you were making the
noises for.... I didn't know I was capable of making you so happy....

you answered, "I'm happy."

That's when I realized you felt exactly like I did when you were
holding me running your fingers through my hair.

It was an amazing day. When you get back Allison everyday will be
like that. :) I can't wait.

We had sex 4 times that day. We made love while the
song "enya" was playing. You said,

"this song is going to mean a lot more to me now." That song makes me
cry whenever I hear it now.

We went McDonalds with the last 4$ you had and bought like
4 double cheese burgers and ate them. Right before we were
handed out these burgers you took a picture of me with your
CVS stolen camera and I took a picture of you. Those
pictures are in the little box I sent to you.

Then we went to mcdonalds. Got hired by the gay guy who has
a boyfriend in vermont we discovered. We made our
schedules. On the way out the door the gay guy came rushing
out reminding you to bring your note from your school so
you could start the next week.

(I don't know why but for some reason this all reminded me
of the roadhead cop. Walden books at the Mall. When I
said, "NUTAH!!!" (We got stopped for roadhead!!! LOL!!!) WE
MISS YOU!!!! :*(

Then we went to get 40$ from your parents cuz we were gonna
have the best time ever on the ROAD TRIP to vermont.

After many kisses and hugs and you putting on your lipstick
that you stole from CVS. We got to your parents house. We
hugged and laughed and kissed and played around jumping all
fun ALL day and even up to the door of your house we still
laughed smiled at each other and loved each other so much.
Forever kind of love. We love being with each other so much
we can't stand a minute away. Not even a second. We got to
the door. Rang the door bell. You walked inside. Your dad
pushed me out. Said we had to talk. I looked inside the
window of the door. I saw your face. The confused
expression. Then your dad grabbed my attention and I looked
at him along with the body guards standing beside him as I
heard you scream, "You guys are stupid I don't need

And I never saw you again.

That facial expression is the last memory I have of you.
That confused tilted head look you make when something is

They told me to get in my car and go home because some
family issues needed to be discussed. They told me you
would call me in an hour and everything will be fine.

Here I sit now 2 months from that day. I haven't seen or
heard from you since. And your dad just told me you will be
gone for another year.

I have died.

I think back to that day and whisper to myself while tears
run down my cheek. Imagine if we had known. That that day
was going to be our last day together. Imagine if we had

I love you forever Allison. That means even a year from now
I will be here waiting for the love of my life to return to
me. My true love. My happiness. My life. Allison. Forever.

I tell myself everyday.
You just gotta keep on breathing.
And that's what I'm gonna do.
That's what we have to do.
Just keep on breathing Allison.
We just have to keep on breathing.

-Love Jake