Jake
OrGaNiZeDcOnFuSiOn
I remember.... L.L. Bean, Hotel Pool
Okay, I read your journal Jen and I'm laughing my ASS OFF
about what kevin said, "Are you still Leaking?" then a
split second later a flash of memory is shot through my
mind.
I see through the eyes of me driving. It is dark outside
and we are on the back roads going to L.L. Bean. Ani
Difranco just sang,
"Two thirty in the morning, the gas tank will be empty
soon...."
and I look down at my clock. It's 2:30 in the morning and
the gas tank WILL be empty soon.
Dark green trees are flying by the windows as we speed down
the empty road into the horizon. The CD player is glowing
blue inside my car dashboard. I look to my right and I see
the blue refracted light outlining Allion's beautiful face.
Her skin is so perfect and smooth. Her brown eyes are so
beautiful. We are singing along to Ani
Difranco's "Untouchable Face" and she is bouncing up and
down as happy as can be. She is looking into my eyes
bouncing and singing with a bright happy smile.
"Think I'm going for a walk now,
I feel a little unsteady
don't want nobody to follow me
except maybe you
I could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
I could do a lot of things
and I do
Tell you the truth I perfer the worst of you
to bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but I think you two are forever
I hate to say it
but your perfect together
so Fuck You
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am I?
I should be vying for your touch
said who am i?
I bet you can't even tell me that much.
2:30 in the morning
my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
safe haven of the sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down the top 20 country songs
out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
you know i really don't look forward
to seeing you again soon.
you look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
i won't know what to do
i won't know what to say
so fuck you...
see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying
is fuck you...
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am I?
I should be vying for your touch
said who am I?
I bet you can't even tell me that much
said Who am Ieeeaaaaaeyeaaahhhh
Somebody just tell me that
Who am Ieeeaaaaaeyeaaahhhh
Somebody just tell me that
Who am Ieeeaaaaaeyeaaahhhh
Somebody, Somebody just tell me that
aaahhhhhh ah ah ah ah ah aaaahhh
aaahhhhhh how o oh oh oh lay ah
ahhh ah
ah da yay e yow ow ah
ah da yay e yow ow ah
ah da yay e yow ow ah
ah da yay e yow ow ah
ah da yay e yow ow ah
ah da yay e ya ah ah
ah da yay e ya ah ah"
*I actually remembered the lyrics, I memorized them one day
coming back from hunting because I know you love this song
and I wanted to be able to sing it with you when I got
back ;) I also memorized Greendays "She" and a few others
because I want to sing that with you in the car and I
couldn't last time because I didn't know it. heh. but now
you are fucking gone for what seems now forever and I
can't!! :*(
*I remember we stopped at that hotel with the REALLY pretty
pool at 3:30am after I got my hat from L.L. Beans and you
had your lil juice drink you took. lol. We got out of the
car and went inside to see how much it was to stay there.
FUCKING EXPENSIVE. I still have the papers in my car ;)
*I remember in the way back you finally figured out this
part of that song...
"there's a changing constellation of balls as we are
playing i see orion and say nothing the only thing i can
think of saying is fuck you..."
That is a really awesome line in the song and you finally
figured it out and you were like "That's wicked kool!!!"
I am smiling right now thinking about it.
Now I am WICKED sad though cuz I want ALLISON!!
This feeling of complete sadness and loss overtakes my
whole body and I just want to cry. This always happens.
I'll be all happy but then some reminder, or some memory of
happy life was with her will hit me like a ton of bricks
and I just break down and want to cry.
I go from happy to sad in 0.2 seconds. IT FUCKING SUCKS. :/
This all happens because I have NEVER been more happy then
when I was with her. Now she is gone. I'm in an udder state
of incomplete happiness.
"The point of life is to find complete happiness. And when
you do NEVER let it go. NEVER EVER let it go. If it is
complete happiness then It is the reason you are alive.
Keep it forever."
(Hey nice quote I just made it up. lol)
For me complete happiness is being with Allison. Feeling
her love, her aurora around me.
LOL. "The Allison Aurora" LOL.
I'll never be completely happy ever in my life until we
find each other again.......
We WILL find each other again Allison.
I'll search until I die for the happiness and love I had
with you.
That is the only reason I want to be alive.
To feel like I did when we were together.
To feel like I did laying on my bed,
the couch,
and in your arms
as you gently ran your fingers through my hair for hours as
we watched tv holding me.
*That is my heaven.*
*With you.*