2002-01-28 09:06:32 (UTC)

I remember....... baseball, dancing, adorable Allison

One day after we played baseball on the lawn, I was going
through an old box in my closet. There were tons of old
things in there from my past that brought back old good
memories. I found my Boston Baseball cap that I always used
to wear and you took it and wore it almost everyday after
that.... I found my old black winter hat. You put it on.
The music from my stereo was blasting weezer, and
nirvana.... you had the black hat on and you were jumping
up and down on your toes dancing to the music. It was
another one of those moments I will never forget. It was
one of the many, many adorable things you have done.

While you were jumping up and down you were smiling. Your
head was bobbing and your perfect little white teeth were
showing. You were so happy. SO ADORABLE. You are my
ADORABLE special true love girlfriend forever. :) The way
you bounce and the way your body bounced is so adorable....
ahh! The way your head bobbed up and down and your eyes so
happy dancing to the music as you smiled at me from across
my room. I just wanted to kiss you and hug you and never
ever let you go. AH!!! COME BACK!!! No one is like that I
miss that so much!!!

I don't know how i remembered this.... I walked in my room
just now at 6am (no I haven't gone to bed yet) after
watching the making of the Majestic on tv and it hit me....
I closed the door to my room behind me and I stood exactly
where you stood when you did it... and I started jumping up
and down like you did that day... I was smiling like you
were.... pretending I was you.... I was trying to relive
the moment... remember it and cherish it.... I smiled big
and bounced like only you do and I remembered your pretty
face with my black winter hat almost covering your eyes....
then I started crying REALLY hard... and layed on my bed
with the cat and felt sorry for myself. I punched at the
air and whispered, "IT'S NOT FAIR!! COME BACK! A YEAR!!
AH!!!!" then I cried some more...

I remember laying in bed with you as you got all excited
with your big wide eyes talking about Aladdin, and Snow
White, Beauty In The Beast, Winnie The Pooh and your Eyore,
magic carpet rides, the ocean fish with the fake eye on the
tale... your fav fish.... haha. You layed beside me in my
arms and told me the story of Beauty and the Beast because
I forgot it one night as we were trying to sleep in the the
blue light of the computer moniter.... then after you
mentioned that ocean fish with the eye on the tale, you
looked it up on the internet and found a picture of it....
and you were all happy.... lol. I remember you were like,

"Jacob wouldn't that be co0o0o0l!!! Riding a magic
carpet!!! yeeaaahhh!!! I want to ride a magic carpet!!!"

At night sometimes I remember this.... your big wide eyes
and you enthusiastic voice looking at me and smiling all
happy. Then I say it to myself the way you said it to me...
I say it all enthusiastic and wide eyed like used too.... I
pretend I am you.... then realizing how pethetic I am and
how crazy people would think I am if they saw me talking to
myself at night like that, I just cry... cuz I miss you so
much..... Dammit to the fucking little things.... they are
what you miss so much when someone is gone.... GRRRR!!!!

You are so fucking amazingly cute and adorable Allison. You
have this child inside you that I LOVE SO MUCH. NEVER EVER
lose that Allison. That is what makes you YOU. You are like
a big kid. I LOVE IT!!!!!! No one is like that!!! NO ONE!!!
I can't wait until you come back.... so I can act like a
big kid with you again.... :(

It's so fun.... we are so stupid together.... I love it....
farm animal noises in my car!!! Remember we used to do that
a lot??? lol!! My sheep noise!! wo0o0o0!!

I love that we can act like complete idiots with each
other, and then sit down and have serious talks that no
idiot would understand. I love that we act like children
and play together and have all the fun in the world, and
then lay for hours in silence, listening to each others
heart beat, feeling each others breath, staring into the
beautiful unknown, and holding each other with more
patience then any child could ever endure or dream of
having. I love that you can talk to me forever and have me
listen forever, and then I can talk to you forever and have
you listen forever. I love that we can be the two most
romantic people in the world, act shy and cute, and then
have mad sex like porn kings. I love that we are
comfortable to do whatever we want with each other all the
time. We even told each other all the differen't ways we
have masterbated.... ROFL!!! The most private things NO ONE
tells anybody.... LOL!!! So funny!!!! I won't get into
that.... because I'm sure you don't want anyone to know
certian things about you and I KNOW I don't want people to
know certian things about me...... we'll just keep that to
ourselves..... haha.

Allison..... alLiSon..... @11i$0N..... AlLiSoN.....
sigh.... I'll just keep whispering your name into the air
until you are back.....

"You can't avoid her, she's in the air, in between
molecules of oxygen and carbon dioxide...."

So fucking true....