Jake

I remember.... windowsill

I remember I came home that day with you waiting, sitting
in my bedroom window with your notebook and my big green
blanket. I just opened that window because it was hot in my
room and I needed some kool air. I just opened it and saw
the huge moon and the thousands of stars and it was
beautiful. I just opened it and that's when I remembered
you in it that day. I remembered some of your words from
what you wrote to me that night, I remembered so I took out
that paper you wrote on and cried as I read some of the
words....

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"I hate waiting for you to come home. :( I miss you and I
swear I think of you every second. I look out the window
and I think how beautiful it is and that makes me want you
here even more."

"I'm sitting on the windowsill, waiting. I hear tires in
the distance before I see the headlights and I have to turn
and look, straining my eyes to find the lights of some
distant car... maybe it's yours."

"I want to hold him in my arms where he fits so
perfectly... I want to tell him I love him and play with
his hair and kiss him---
to hover in the moment just after the kiss and hold on to
the feeling in my heart...
to love. :) looooove."

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I look down at the brown windowsill, and like you were just
a dream I think so myself,

"Allison was sitting RIGHT here.... she actually sat in
this window once.... it wasn't fake.... it wasn't some love
fabel.... it was REAL. She loved me SOOOO much."

It makes me so sad that you are gone. I pretend I am you as
I sit in my own window. It makes me feel like somehow I am
getting closer to you, doing exactly what you have done
before.... when in reality I am not at all. I imagine what
you saw that night sitting there... cars passing by....
hoping the next one is mine.... Then I feel the happiness
you must have felt when you saw my car pull in the
driveway.... but quickly that happiness turns to the exact
opposite....
and I cry.