It smells like poop over here
2002-01-28 07:47:13 (UTC)

it's so complicated,

and overrated. they may be a pop-punk band for 12 year old
girls, but good charlotte can write some good lyrics. i
really like "little things" though, that's probably my
favorite by them.
i had to work today, it was torture. i was so tired, and
got nothin but annoyed by 2 of the 3 people i worked with.
kit is one of the few people i like to work with, he's
funny. lauren can be cool, but sometimes she just pisses me
off. and she does this weird ass lip curling, sticking out,
mouth open thing that just pisses me right off. i hate it
dammit! but anyway, marta wants to hang out sometime next
week, so that's cool. im pretty sure she likes me, that's a
you know, im feeling...missed, i guess? and unloved. i
want a gf again, but one that's not all like...jesus h, i
can't even describe what i want in a girl, how am i
supposed to have a girl when i can't decide what i want. i
want a girl like andrea, someone cute, sweet, and shy, but
not dependant, jealous, selfish, and needy. someone cool
like laura, and beautiful like andrea was. i believe that i
think really weird, there's hot girls, they're a dime a
dozen. but then there are girls that are cute, pretty and
beautiful. that's the type of girl i want. it's the cute
ones that think, the pretty ones that care, and the
beautiful ones who love.
i guess what i want doesn't matter. that's just a state
of mind, everyone decides what we want, but never get it,
because they find something better, but if we get what we
want, we throw it away for one reason or another. he was
shallow, or she was stupid. or we just find out that's not
what we actually want. you know what i mean, it's just like
movies. i know what you were thinking a minute ago, "why
doesn't he just get back with andrea?" well, to answer your
question, i can't. my old feelings of love are tainted with
a blindly passion of rage and hate. i can't explain this
very well, but everyone has either felt this way, feels
this way, or will feel this way. even if it's not about an
my only real clear memories of her are ones of love,
moments in time that i felt unconditional love for her;
moments i couldn't resist her. her looking beautiful with
her long brown hair and blue eyes. watching her look
sheepish and shy. and the list could go on. but all that
can be whipped by knowing i hate her. i can't recall why,
but i know i do. it's like a burning in my chest, like my
heart in flames, my heart on fire. fueled by her lies, her
decieving, betraying, jealousy, selfishness, and close
mindedness. fuel. give me fuel, give me fire, give me that
which i desire. wow, i needed to right that, my chest no
longer burns. emotional release if you will. i appreciate
it, even if no one reads, or cares to care about my
feelings. give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which i
desire...a fire in my chest.