The Chronicles of Ms. Evil
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2002-01-28 06:35:49 (UTC)

Can't run away from the thoughts haunting my head

I hate thinking so negatively. I can't sleep yet again.
It's going to be along night and I have 4 hours of straight
lecture classes and I start draft barn duty on tuesday. Oh
how peachy. I like the class but I hate the work. well
not really I like the work it's just I hate other people
slacking. I'd rather do the whole fucking thing by myself
so I know it was done. Some of the people I work with do
such a half-ass job I think to myself, what the fuck how
would you like it if you couldn't clean up after yourself
and the maid only did enough as she say fit. Like she was
tired that day and didn't wash every dish she just rinsed
them off so they looked clean. It skeeves me out
sometimes. I hope erin sees that the things i say to her
are not to hurt her, they are to show her that I love her
and don't want to get hurt. I dont' want to hurt her I
lover her too much. If erin ever got murdered for some
reason I would probably hunt the killer down and kill them
myself. I would make it my new life I wouldn't care about
anything else. I am so serious about this. If she ever
died I don't know what I would do. My life would probably
fall apart, I would grow distant from everyone who really
cared about me. It's hard for me to see erin so through
this stuff but in a way I see it as a good thing because
she is experiencing new things which is helping her grow as
a person if she would let herself do that. Are you ever
really scared about anything? I am, I'm scared of letting
erin down and losing her. I'm scared of the dark but i
know that eventually it has to be light again or if I
really search around I could put a light on or open a
door. I'm not really scared of dying I mean I am
eventually going to die anyway, and I'll be going to a
better place, I know I haven't been bad enough to be sent
to hell. But i'll continue this convo later diary, my
battery is dying and I must let it die all the way.

Ms. Evil

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