2002-01-28 05:47:20 (UTC)

so this is what its like living in limbo...

first im high, then so low...

yeah.. wow so im a little calmer now.. caroline left, then
i talked and cried with my mom.. i feel so fucking bad for
her... and as bad as she is for me, and as much as she
makes me unhappy, i love her so much and i just want to
fix everything thats sad and shitty in her life. and kill
him, but thats another story.

"give it time" matt said. sometimes TIME is bad.. time
does NOT fix everything baby. did it fix us? no. we
still will fight as much as ever. crazy boy. im glad
we're at least talking a bit now. i dont want caroline
upset over it, but selfishly, for ME, im happy about it.

today wasnt much of a day. when caroline left for work, i
picked up claudia and we came back here, i cleaned up a
little bit, nothing that hasnt gotten messy again by now,
but then we slept and watched "matilda" hehe what a cute
movie. richard came over for while... then we went to
target to get pictures developed, and i locked the keys in
the fucking trunk, yo that sucked some balls.. caroline
came and took me to my house to get the spare key though.
shes so great.. girls kissing on tv. woo-hoo.

yeah when i got home finally, after what should have taken
an hour took 4 hours, i got home, and my moms crying and
smoking and im like what and she wont say anything and im
like what and i go look at him and hes all in one of his
staring really crazy angry moods and i go and im like did
he hit you again and she wont say a word and im like did he
fucking hit you again and shes like i dont know i dont know
dont worry its okay and i wanted to fucking kill him. i
dont want to write about it right now. i wrote enough. i
fucking hate him more than anything in the world.

ooh yeah somebody left me a message =) aleah? very cool.
im reading her journal now..

i havent talked to ashley since saturday morning...hmph.

"Sometimes you realize you gave too much of your heart
away. Some things are better off left in the past. Some
people are better off left in the past."

bed time.