I'm a girl, not a band!!!
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2002-01-28 04:01:14 (UTC)

I don't even know how to begin...

Hope was right. My problem is that I want everyone else to
be happy. I will go to any length to please anyone. Even
people that I don't know. And I'll sacrifice myself in the
meantime because I think that will make them happy. I've
never felt like this before. I had...I dunno, an epiphany?
last night. I just had to leave. It wasn't fair, to me or
him. I left. What is wrong with me?!?!! Thank God for Hope.
I really needed a familiar face, and it was midnight, and
I'm so lucky that she was willing to stop what she was
doing to just be with me. I don't lose control like that.
She even said that she'd never seen me like that. Screw
that, I'D NEVER SEEN ME LIKE THAT. My mouth says one thing,
but my heart and my head say another. I'm screaming at
myself inside my head asking what the fuck I'm doing, but I
just refuse to listen. But last night.....I couldn't do it.
I couldn't see, I couldn't think, all I could hear was me
yelling at myself inside my head. I just feel....slutty, used, angry,
annoyed, pissed, sad, and unloved all wrapped up into a big ball of
There's a quote by me, feel free to steal it.....and no, I really
don't want to talk about this entry. Ever.


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