out of reach
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2002-01-28 03:47:54 (UTC)

and you can't fake it hard enough

i had a bad weekend. i need to get out of this funk so i
can enjoy myself again. saturday was the winter formal. i
had a terrible time. most of my time was spent with
donovan. i took her camera and took some pictures for
yearbook to pass the time. but after that was done i
really had nothing to do. its difficult to have fun when
you are unhappy. its even more difficult to become happy
when u don't even know why ur sad.

i feel weak, useless, helpless, ordinary, and a whole long
list of some other bad things. i feel retarded and stupid
for feeling this way. i don't even deserve to lament in my
pains. why should anyone else care anyway. get over it.
as if they don't have problems of their own. i don't
deserve any special attention. i'm no different. but then
i look at the people who are happy and i think what did
they do to get what they have. why do they deserve to be
happy and i don't. why do people get along with them and
not me. why can't i be right, strong, beautiful, loved,
and just plain happy for once. why do i always have to
take the blame. fuck the world and the selfish people who
live in it. i'm not saying i'm not selfish but good lord,
i try so hard to be a good person and it doesn't please
anyone. i'm sick of everything.

i'm going to sleep to dream about a world that cares.

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