jen

my crazy life, check it out...
2001-04-21 00:51:07 (UTC)

I need some help!! w/ the rents

Hey, I am back. I just got back from a night of work.
Sometimes I love that place and sometimes it is just
like "get me out of this place." I don't know. I often feel
as though I am damaging myself for the future in there.
Mainly because I lift way too much that I should. My back
can't take that. I don't know. I have threatened to quit
numerous amount of times, but I just can't keep away from
that place!! the old people are like family to me ya know?
anyways, I am psyched for prom. I am just worried about
after prom. Tim has some partying plans. I hate lying to my
parents because, heck you know what is going on for prom
night? (partying, etc.) I don't know, lying has always
gotten me into trouble. I swear my mom is like psychic, it
seems like she knows everything that is going on, even if i
don't tell her. I guess they don't trust me with tim alone.
Even though I am considered an adult now (18) and my mom
knows that him and I have sex. She is just worried about me
getting pregnant. Well, if she only knew that I have been
on that for like a year now. I am fully capable of taking
care of myself. I just hate feeling like a kid. New years
sucked because tim and I had plans to hang out with another
couple (his friends) and party at a hotel room. Well, i
said I would be with tim and his friends, and probably
crash at his friends house or tim's. They all flipped out
and said "is there gonna be supervision there?" and
etc,etc. I don't know if anyone else gets this treatment,
but i sure as hell feel trapped in my own house. I mean, I
go to college in the morning, go to work or sit around the
house. I don't do shit during the weekdays, let alone stay
out late on the weekdays and stuff, cuz tim works full-time
during the weekdays. And the times when I want to be with
tim for the night, I have to lie. And I hate that. That is
why I am jealous of kasi. she is 18 too, and her mom, who
used to be thee most strictest lady ever!! just lets her
come and go. Kasi just says that she will call her and tell
her that she is okay, and that she'll see her monday. I
wish I could do that. I mean, everyone around me is allowed
to go off and do stuff all weekend, and here I am stuck
having to tell lies and make a list of stuff off of what I
am doing. All I have to say is that tomorrow better work
out. I guess, my sister and tim's advice is, to tell them,
not ask them. which is true. I don't understand. My parents
are the greatest and most supporting parents ever. I love
them to death. But I feel so utterly smothered by their
love sometimes. Cuz I get treated like I am still 14 years
old. I shouldn't have to leave a number and have
supervision. I am fully capable of my own mistakes and
stuff.

Tim wants me and 2 other couples to go to florida in june
for like two weeks. I mentioned that to my dad, which I was
so scared of doing, because I knew he would drill me, and
he drilled me. Wasn't I right?? I am so scared to mention
it to them, because I know we'll go and on about who is
going to be there and yadda yadda yadda. I don't get it. I
truly don't. I guess life is so full of mishaps that can
happen to a young girl like me, but they have to give me
time to make those mistakes and realize that. I often wish
I had so many other peoples parents because they let them
go out and stay with their boyfriends and not literally
drill them of where they are going. But I am glad I have my
parents. I do know that if you give your kids alot of
freedom they will run with it and abuse it. But still,
there is a reason for freedom and responsibility and that
comes with age, and I believe I am fully capable of doing
the things that I have to ask for, without telling them
this and that, and I am here, here is the number. I am so
sick of that, and I do not know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't talk to tim about it because all he is used to is
the freedom that I quite often don't seem to get. Ya know??
All my parents said when I was upset with them was that
they give me freedom and that they are leniant with me.
Yes, they are, but not in the way I want it to be. I am
still back in the 15-16 year old household rules in their
case. ( I don't mean that in a bad way, but you do get
pissed when you are 18 and you see younger people allowed
to do more stuff than you!!!) It makes me mad because I see
my sister going to florida with her friend for a week and
staying over partying with people and she just says that
she is leaving. I guess I just need to say, hey, i am
leaving see you tomorrow. But they lay the law down on me:(
I feel so trapped!!!! If anyone has any feedback please
help!! if anyone actually reads this anyways. bye bye for
now!! jenbug:)


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