my crazy life, check it out...
2001-04-20 17:06:56 (UTC)

rainy day...

Hello, it is a gloomy day.Rain always seems to have that
effect on me. Prom is tomorrow. I am pretty excited about
it.I had so much fun yesterday. I actually got to talk to
my friend that I haven't talked to since february (tasha)
and my bestest friend Amy and her baby came over, and my
friend Darby and his friend came over.I know I always
mention how down and out I am over my friendships and how
noone tries anymore. I am sorry. I guess that is another
reason why Amy and I are so close is because she feel that
noone has tried to stay friends with her either. But we
have been like great friends for like 12 years or so. Darby
and I have this on and off friendship. I always have the
worst problems with guy friendships because the ones I have
had, they have wanted more, and it has ended in no more
friendship. Him and I have always been like that, but now,
it is different. I think he understands and has matured. I
am glad, because he is a great person to talk to. I had
this guy friend Gene, who I was great friends with, and
ever since he has been with his gf Heather, he has no time
for me. I guess I was like that with tim at first. I don't
know. I miss Gene's friendship. He was like my brother that
I never had.I miss that. He probably thinks I hate him cuz
he pages me and I never call him back. He seems to page me
when I am at work or I just chicken to call him back. I
don't know what it is. I am like that way with most people.
I kick myself in the ass for that though cuz he actually
tries to get a hold of me! unlike some people! Let me
describe a littl bit of these people in my life (for some
of them, they are somewhat in my life)

Kasi-She has been my friend since like 2nd grade. She lives
right down the street from me.Things have drastically
changed between me and her. She has always been the partier
since like 10th grade,getting into trouble and stuff. She
has been in a relationship with a good guy named Shaun. For
whom she has buy everything for her.which is very pathetic.
It is hard to try with Kasi anymore because I feel no
common ground with her, so I don't see her trying and I
obviously don't feel like trying. I hope her and I can be
back to that friendship we had, but for now, it seems
almost irrevocable to me. She has changed so much. She
doesn't even call for me, she calls for my sister,I think
because she parties with my sister.They have some common
ground. I don't know what to do? Kasi gets pretty annoying
in our classes too, because all day she whines and stuff.
Like I want to go home, I want to sleep. Well, if you
weren't up to one o'clock with shaun there wouldn't be a
problem now would there? She has completely shut her
friends out of her life. All except the ones she parties
with. I don't know??

Tasha- We have been friends since like 9th grade. She was
there for me when Kasi became good friends with a girl
named Heather and began partying all of the time. I guess
off and on kasi has always misused our friendship and
knocked me out of her life somehow. Kasi rarely spoke to
me.But Tasha had turned into my best buddy. I find in
Natasha something that truly bothers me. Everytime she is
around someone different she tries to act just like them to
please them. Like she tries to act like she don't smoke
cigarettes and talks bad about drugs to me and when she was
with kasi she was all about drugs?? confusing huh? We have
all noticed that. But I love that girl. I guess we all have
something going on with us that people see. It is hard to
see tasha,cuz she is still in high school and working a lot
and usually with a guy. Now she has a steady boy, hope that
works out, she needs to find someone good to her.

Amy- I have known her since I was little. She has been thee
bestest friend. her, kasi and i used to work together, and
they developed a friendship, and went out and partied a
lot. It kind of made me jealous, cuz here I was the
middleman and I had introduced them and stuff and they were
off together doing stuff. Wouldn't you get jealous?? At
times Amy and I have separated. And me being the one scared
to reconcile things, I didn't see or talk to her for a
while. But we have always made it through. and I never want
to let that happen again. Never ever again. Things have
changed between her and I but we still know we are there
for one another. Amy has a little baby girl and is getting
married so it is hard to see her and get time alone with
her, but I try my best. I love that girl. thank you amy.

Man I wrote alot didn't I?? I am sorry whoever reads this.
If anyone does anyways. I never get any messages or
feedback. I know I suck!!well catchya later, and send