faiien angei

a day in the life...
2002-01-26 04:41:02 (UTC)

everything is fucked, everybody sucks

so i did it...i think i really fucked everything up this
time.
i'm totally kicking myself in the ass for telling him how i
felt...i was at a weak moment and beyond frustrated...but
i'm not upset that it happened. it was something that
needed to be said and i said it. fuck all the games and the
rules...if he's going get freaked out because i care about
him and told him...then you know what? that just goes to
show that if he cant deal with having someone care about
him, then he's not at a point in his life where he needs my
affection. and that's fine. i mean its not fine, it sucks,
but at least then i'll know wether or not to waste my
time...
i dont even know if anything has changed, and that's what
freaks me out...it very well might be all in my head. He
gave no indication that he didnt like me or care for me the
same...he kissed me. i dont know how much that means
though. at the time, he made is seem like we were having a
moment...a milestone in our relationship...a realization
that i really did like him and wasnt just fucking
around...and that could ruin everything or make everything
work.
we just need to have sex already. i've decided this! there
has been way to much sexual frustation built up. oh well.
i'm done. i dont want to think about it anymore.